The (Epic) Legos: The Joining
by horseluv386
Summary: Emmett Johnson, the actor who played Emmett Brickowski in "The LEGO Movie", the LEGO world's most popular movie, is bored. He's become one of the icons of pop culture, and he hates it. So when two guys show up in a spaceship and ask him to go to the Star Wars galaxy, why would he refuse? Maybe he could save the universe or something. Part one of The (Epic) Legos story.
1. Chapter 1: So you're from where now?

**A/N: So, in honor of school getting out, here's my first fanfic attempt. I wrote this story a while ago, and truth be told, it's pretty bad. That being said, I would really appreciate any reviews you guys have for me. (Except for flame - I already know this story is bad, tell me something I don't know!) I am aiming toward the grand total of... 1 review! I would love more, but I don't think this will get noticed that much.**

 **This is basically an AU where everything is LEGO. Emmett Johnson, a kid actor, is just being a semi-normal celebrity kid, when all of a sudden, his life turns upside down. (Hint hint: They're from a different LEGO universe.) How will he deal with it? How many characters can I bring back from the dead? How long will it take for someone to break the 4th wall (multiple times)?**

 **All that, and more, will be answered in the course of this story. So, let's get on with it!**

* * *

When Emmett walked into his dad's shop, he immediately spotted the suitcases, battered and worn, leaning on a display case. Since the store was full, and no one seemed to be immediately claiming the packages, he paused in his task of carrying a half-size industrial engine and wondered which customer was headed on the road this time. The graying old man in a business suit, walking with a fast clip and grabbing some snacks? The mom with three crazy kids, ordering some car toys? The little old lady with her tiny little dog buying dog food? Well, probably not the last one. She was always at the store buying dog food. That little dog must have been ready to explode from being overstuffed.

Emmett pushed the thought out of his mind. He didn't have time to worry about old suitcases and overstuffed dogs. Today was Friday, which meant that as soon as he finished moving supplies, he could go with his dad to the junkyard and pick out some spare parts. His dad's store—Boxes of Boxes—sold a little of everything, but specialized in replacements and add-ons for anything. Car? Check. Smartphone? Check. 50 year-old 24 karat gold one-of-a-kind watch? Double check. His dad, Box (what else would his name be? Tim?) was a retired boxer, and now brought in a tidy income with the store. He had never really talked about his fighting years, but he was always adamant that they were behind him. As Emmett watched, Box himself emerged from the back of the shop and grabbed the suitcases.

After setting the engine on a shelf, Emmett ran up and asked, "What are you doing with those?"

"Well," Box answered, "I actually have to go to a boxing convention to show my support. Not to fight, of course, but yeah. I tried to get out of it, but it's expected of me. I'll be gone for three days. The Sultan will come tomorrow to watch you."

"Dad, why the Sultan?" Emmett whined. No one was going to run his Friday, especially not the Sultan. "He is extremely mean to me! I need to obey every order he gives me, and he makes me do everything for him. Is there anyone else who can watch me? Or better yet, can I come with you? Where is the tournament, anyway?"

"No one else is available except for your grandma, Emmett. You know how she can't run the store, and she babies you. The convention is in California, and you can't come. I'm sorry, but you have to be awesome about this for me. Right? Everything is awesome? Yeah? Yeah?"

Emmett rolled his eyes. Ever since he starred in the live-action movie _The LEGO Movie_ , his dad had made lame jokes about it. Really, Dad. The movie plot was weird anyway. He had to be an idiot, and then not an idiot. Still, he did like Wyldstyle (who really was named Wyldstyle) and was friends with Benny and Unikitty. He was sort-of friends with President Bizness and Batman, but they were usually too cool to bother with him. He had also developed his building skills greatly. Anyway, the movie itself was dumb, even though people seemed to love it. It had been the best movie of the year (not to Emmett; Star Wars all the way) and the actors had become very popular. That was the most confusing aspect of it all; Emmett's face was almost completely expressionless on screen, and he was a horrible actor. They even painted over his freckles and no one noticed! Emmett always shooed away the paparazzi, but it had become more challenging as time went on. Now the Sultan would tease him about the movie and get on his nerves. Great. Now all he needed was a whoopie cushion to sit on.

After Box made dinner that night, he left to get on the plane to California, warning customers to stock up on stuff so they wouldn't have to go to the store with the Sultan there. Emmett knew that the Sultan had been a rival of Box for many years, and Box didn't really like him. The Sultan was only called in when situations were desperate, which meant his dad was really worried over something. He didn't want for anyone to have to deal with the Sultan while he was gone. The little old lady was the last to leave, along with five huge bags of dog food. Emmett played a Star Wars video game before going to bed, since this would be his last chance before becoming dominated by "the Empire". He didn't sleep well that night, and had strange dreams full of weird people. Why couldn't he go to California with his dad? Now that he thought about it, Box never mentioned the names of his conventions or the tournaments that he had participated in. Was there something that Box was hiding?

When the Sultan came the next morning, he stood in the doorway of the store, trying to look noble and awesome, but only succeeded in looking really stupid. He had an ugly, flabby face, like the Emperor, and was probably the laziest person on the planet. He probably worked out about once a century, and usually sat in a chair, covering himself with whipped cream. For some reason, he also had a really good tan; his only good quality. Emmett had no idea why his dad thought that the Sultan would be a good replacement while he was away. Bracing himself for the inevitable, Emmett stood and waited for the Sultan to notice him.

When the Sultan caught sight of Emmett, he sneered at him. "How are you, Emmett? Is everything awesome?"

When the boy didn't respond, the Sultan shouted at Emmett to make him a cappuccino with jelly beans in it. Then Emmett had to scrub the whole shop with a toothbrush and reorganize all the spare parts (and there was a _lot_ of spare parts). True, the shop did need to be cleaned, and the junk was getting a little messy, but a cappuccino with jelly beans? Really? Why clean every inch of the shop with such a tiny brush? Why organize every single bolt? Box couldn't get back sooner. What was he even doing at a boxing convention? He had never been asked to go to one before.

When two arguing people came in, Emmett hurriedly ran up to them. Before he could speak, one of them elbowed the other and they resolved their argument without noticeably talking anything out. They looked at Emmett, who nervously stated, "The assistant manager is being a pain in the butt. If you value your sanity, please leave."

The shorter guy started, apparently not having heard the last statement. "What do you mean, assistant manager? Not the….Oh. That's why Box sent us in. Kid, you need to come with us."

"What? You think I would believe two random guys claiming that my dad would tell you to get me? Dad would tell me first!" Emmett know he was rambling, but he didn't care what these potential kidnappers thought of him.

The tall guy checked his watch. "And… now!" Just then, Emmett's smartphone buzzed. When he picked it up, he saw that his dad was calling. "Dad! What is it?"

"Hello, Emmett. By any chance are there two guys in weird clothing wanting you to come with them? Yes, it is okay to go with them. They will bring you with them to a special place. Bring all your stuff with you; you won't be back for a very long time! I'll meet up with you as soon as possible, so just stay with them." Emmett blinked, then ran upstairs and packed some stuff, such as his cash, a pillow, and the Piece of Resistance, for some reason. Tearing a piece of paper from his builder notebook, he scribbled a note for his friends and left it on his table, using code words so no one else could figure out what he was writing. He ran down to stuff it all in his dad's car, which had a single seat, could be driven extremely fast, and was portable. Emmett hoped he could bring it along.

When he got downstairs, however, he saw the Sultan, holding a black thing, blocking the way. "Where are you going, Emmett? Are you bored already?"

"Um, my dad reminded me that I have, uh, soccer practice in half an hour. His, uh, friends came to pick me up," Emmett answered, silently cursing for telling such a bad lie.

"Oh, Emmett. Trying to get the drop on me, eh? Well, you're not going anywhere." The Sultan pointed the black thing at Emmett, who realized it was a gun.

Emmett screamed and backed up, thinking, _This is the worst day of my life, and;_ Before he could finish the thought, an explosion of light filled the empty space. Once he blinked the spots out of his eyes, he saw the Sultan, chopped in half, like Darth Maul, lying before the feet of the two guys; who were holding _real lightsabers_.

When Emmett got his senses back, he stared at his saviors, who were now grabbing his stuff and placing it in the back of their thing in the courtyard of the shop (how had he not noticed it before?). One of them walked up to Emmett and smirked. "Hey, kid. Sorry if that scared you back there, but the Sultan's big fat tan behind was getting crabby. We had no choice. I'm Han Solo. That's Luke Skywalker over there."

All Emmett could stammer was, "You aren't a Jedi, though!" Of course, he suddenly thought, Han was supposed to be gray-haired and dead now, anyway. He wasn't. Luke was supposed to have a beard. He didn't have one. "Never mind. Hey, remember my dad's car!"

Han laughed. "That isn't a car, kid. It's a minispeeder, but Box would hide that from you, wouldn't he? Come on, get in the ship. We have a long journey ahead of us."

Emmett frowned. "You know my dad? Why wouldn't he tell me that the Star Wars galaxy is real? I mean, since Dad called me at the perfect time, it makes sense that you would be in touch with him. I trust you because of that. But… _whaaaaaaat_? Can't my dad trust me?"

Luke sighed. "This'll sound extremely confusing. Remember how your dad used to be a "boxer"? That whole time, he was actually in the Star Wars galaxy, helping us save the universe. In fact, he was the one who helped relay information between us and George Lucas, so Lucas could try and inform people about never letting a Sith take control. Your dad couldn't tell you because he didn't want you to be put in extra danger. Box actually left to go and see George Lucas and warn him that he wouldn't be coming back, and to protect people against the Sith. When Box realized that the Sultan was actually being influenced by bad things, he called us in to get you out of here. He decided that it was time to reveal this to you. Sorry that we had to kill the Sultan. That was disturbing, and life doesn't have filters. We had hoped for a more… low-key way to tell you, but he wasn't giving us a lot of options."

Sirens started to blare, and the two Jedi looked at the door. Han grimaced. "Long story short, Box was going to tell you soon, and bring you to the Star Wars galaxy, but the timetable had to be sped up a little bit. We're going to have to leave now, before the police find my ship. Are you ready?"

Emmett took a deep breath. "Heck, yeah. Star Wars, here we come!"

Han shook his head. "Oh, man, this is gonna be a long flight."

* * *

 **If that was a little unclear, don't blame me. This story has been acted out by me and my siblings a million times, and this is always how it goes. Hopefully it will clear up for you later! There are going to be 14 other chapters, so if nothing clears up, just tell me that I need to change something. Seriously! Give a review if you want questions answered, I will respond to every single one! Unless it's flame. I just ignore that.**

 **Well then, see you next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2: Arguing is always the answer

**I'm back again. Somehow, I didn't realize that this story was doomed from the start. Well, I should have expected it after choosing this subject. :)**

 **But seriously, I'm just posting this story because I've already written it out and everything. My next story will probably concern little Avengers, or maybe Minecrafters? Maybe some rebirth Hamilton. I've just been roaming around on fanfic for a while, don't judge me.**

 **I am widely aware that the best part of this story is the grammar (maybe the spelling) but don't judge, there's going to be too many characters for me to really develop all of them. When I say "too many", think "60+". Haha I need to write a better story.**

 **Any questions, just review/PM and I will respond, I promise.**

 **It's not like I'm going to be getting a load of them or anything.**

 **Anyway, I don't own the characters you recognize, the items you recognize, the places you recognize... I really only own OCs, the AU in general, and the character's personalities.**

* * *

Although flying was Han's favorite thing (as in flying in a vehicle, not soaring around like Superman), Emmett was basically ruining it. He was talking too much and running around and distracting Han and Luke. His questions were really weird, too. Han was tired of answering them. "Emmett, no, I am not dead because I am answering this question and because it wasn't George Lucas who directed _The Force Awakens_. Nothing that happened in that movie is true. No, that wasn't really me in the Lego Movie, it was some weird actor. I would never let Chewbacca drip meat juice in the Falcon. No, this is not the Falcon, because I needed a smaller ship. This one is called the _Kestrel_. No, I don't eat a lot of cheese."

By the time a planet came into view, Han was more than ready to land if it meant that Emmett would stop asking questions. "Honestly, I don't care what planet this is, Luke, as long as we can land on it."

Luke checked the navigation computer. "We're at Naboo. I think this is where DAD and Jack relocated after the craziness of yesterday. I feel bad for them. They had a pretty good record; they stayed in the last place for a whole week. Anyway, we'll be safe here; and Emmett could stay with them until Box gets here."

"Why?" asked Emmett. "First, Dad pushed me off and made me stay with the Sultan, without telling me the truth. Before that, Wyldstyle went to college without me. Now, you're letting me off without my opinion. I have no idea who these people even are! Dad told me to stay with you. Why can't I be in the Rebellion?"

Han sighed. "No Rebellion. Yes Empire. Okay? The Emperor came back, but not the Rebels. One of the leaders of the Rebellion got cold feet and left, and the rest of the group fell apart after that. We have no idea where Leia is, or where any of our other friends are, except for these two. You need to be safe, and Box knows these people really well. No need for worry."

Emmett was confused. "The answer is right in front of your faces! Make a new Rebellion. Get new people to join, like your friends. You can find Leia and the rest of your friends and you'll be fine!"

Han sighed. "So many people are pacifists or Imp these days, it'll be hard. You can try, but I just want a good night's sleep. Don't talk about Rebellion stuff with these guys; they are peaceful enough, but the Imps still find them every time. Don't demoralize them even more by talking about a Rebellion that'll die soon anyway." He shook his head as the landing gear deployed. _Crazy little kid. I could never see_ him _as the center of a rebellion. He's too naive to ever focus on something that big._ He shook off the thoughts as the ramp descended. It was time to have a restful evening before heading out in the morning. Hopefully, they could head out with only two people on the ship.

They approached a little shack nestled between two huge trees. The quiet forest enclosed the ships almost entirely, and the moss cushioned any sound that the three made walking up. It was a very secretive place.

Emmett whispered to Han, "This forest would make a great base!"

Han shook his head. The kid couldn't make a whole rebellion! No one living had any idea whatsoever of how to start a Rebellion. Even the first one was made because of lucky rumors. Someone would gossip, "There's some rebels hiding in blah blah blah," and someone would fly out there and join. They couldn't do that anymore; the Empire would find out where they were this time. That would be the end of the Rebellion. Only a few people would hear the rumors and actually fly out and join. It was impossible.

Luke did a secret knock on the little white door. Despite the size of the home, it was meticulously kept neat and tidy. It was a welcome site in the huge, looming forest.

Soon, the door opened, and a clone peeked out. "Hey, Luke, Han. What's up? You were supposed to come an hour or two ago and-" He noticed Emmett. "Okay, whatever. Come in."

They came inside with the clone, who introduced himself as Jack, and walked through a little hallway to the living room. There, a little stove crackled cheerfully, illuminating two chairs and a stand, where an old battle droid was resting. Han noticed that Emmett gazed fearfully at the robot, at least until Jack flicked a switch at the back of the droid's head. The droid stood up and looked at Emmett.

"Hello, young friend! My name is Definitely Awesome Droid, or DAD for short. Do not worry, I am a friend of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. Jack and I have lived together ever since the Empire first started. He rebelled against Order 66, and reprogrammed me so I could help him hide from the Empire. We have been moving around recently, but we should be safe tonight. Come, sit down and eat!"

For a few hours, Jack and DAD told funny stories about the Empire. "Bucketheads can't see anything. They can't even find their way out of a bucket. That's why they wear helmets. They can't get them off." Han laughed politely, but he finally got to the point of their meeting. "Um, guys, could Emmett stay with you until Box gets back? Luke and I are heading out, and it's too dangerous -"

Emmett interrupted Han immediately. "No! I'm not a little kid! I'm old enough to stay with you two. I am perfectly willing to take any risks here. I don't need a babysitter!"

"Dude," muttered Luke, "we just had to freaking rescue you from your babysitter. We did that because you need a better babysitter, not because you're responsible enough to look after yourself. You are staying with Jack and DAD even if they have to come along themselves."

Emmett blinked. "Jack, DAD, come along then! We can make a new Rebellion!"

"That is not what I meant, Emmett!" shouted Luke. "Han, stop glaring at me! It isn't my fault! I don't give Emmett these ideas!"

Jack was bewildered. "Can we just skip back to the 'baby-sitting' part?"

After a round of arguing, the four people (and one droid) stood in opposite corners of the room. Han shouted, "Emmett, you are crazy! Jack and DAD can watch you here, and when your dad gets back, he can decide whether you can come or not. It makes perfect sense! We can let your dad decide, because honestly, he probably doesn't really trust us to be good babysitters!"

Luke shouted, "He can come with us, Han! We can stay in the Outer Rim until Box gets back. Box is brave anyway; he'll let Emmett come with us! We don't need to risk Jack and DAD. It isn't hard!"

DAD stood in a third corner. "I am sorry, but there is not enough room in this house. However, I agree that Emmett should not go alone with you two crazy people. You need babysitters yourselves. However, we cannot go with you, because we need our stuff. I would honestly like to just stand here arguing, so we don't need to decide on anything." Everyone ignored this.

Jack stood in yet another corner. "DAD, I want to go out and see the world! Who cares about all our stuff—the stuff we actually need could easily fit in a tiny ship! Stop being paranoid! We can go with them, and we'll be fine!"

Emmett stood in another corner. (The house was rather lopsided.) "Guys, cut it out! I can solve all the problems with one solution. I make a new ship for me, Jack, and DAD, and then they can bring all their stuff. I won't be left alone with Han and Luke, I'll be with Jack and DAD, but I can still come along!"

Han coughed. "You do know that this plan of yours involves making a space-worthy ship out of like nothing, right?"

Emmett shrugged. "There's a junkyard nearby that I saw earlier. I can use some of those parts for the hull. I can use wood for parts of the floor and furniture. I'll just need fuel, and I saw some cans of those somewhere. Just give me anything else you want me to use, and I'll use it!"

DAD immediately presented Emmett with his stove, his dictionary, his seeds, his chairs, Jack's bed, and basically everything in the house. Jack gave up some hooks, screws, and beams, while Luke handed over some energy crystals and solar panels. Han produced a long piece of string. Emmett glared at him.

Once Emmett had left with his little pieces of junk, Han sat down and continued talking with their hosts. Inside, he was pondering what had gotten into Emmett. The kid couldn't make a ship! He had made his ship himself, and it had taken him forever, despite him being a Jedi. Emmett was a young, inexperienced kid with crazy dreams. Han was smart enough to realize that Emmett was trying to start a sort of group. A band that would travel around, adding people who were likely to be Empire-haters. Did Emmett think that he would really fall for this idea? Emmett just had to let those dreams of glory wait for a while. Just as Han finished thinking these reassuring thoughts, Emmett came in. "Okay, I'm done!" He stuck out his tongue at Han as Jack and DAD went out to view the ship. Han sighed and walked out. No one could build a half-decent ship that fast.

He was really, _really_ surprised. Emmett had made an amazing ship in those five minutes! The hull was double re-enforced, there were little lasers on the sides of the ship, and there was a huge satellite dish. The inside boasted a hardwood floor, awesome furniture (bolted to the ground so it wouldn't slide around), a comfy bed expanded from Jack's bed, charging ports, and a nook behind the stove for DAD. The ceiling was held up by a few substantial beams, and there were several windows looking out the wall that the bed was against. One corner of the ship had a mini garden. Even Han's string had been used. Over the bookcase, the string was being used as a weapon rack, with two laser swords, an electric spear, and a rocket blaster. One you can use as a rocket and a blaster. Duh. Jack, DAD, and Luke were speechless.

Han was _almost_ speechless. After being amazed, he started to doubt that Emmett had actually made this ship from scratch. Had he used an existing ship? "Um, you do know that this is like impossible to do in five minutes, right? You couldn't even lift up an ax in that time, let alone cut down a tree. Your arms are too puny. Was there a ship that you used as a base?"

"Han, please!" sighed Emmett. "First of all, how can Luke and Leia even live with you? You're way too annoying sometimes."

Luke smirked. "He's better with the ladies."

"Second of all," continued Emmett, "didn't I already tell you that _The Lego Movie_ is live-action movie? With almost no CGI? This ship was made from scratch, by the ultimate Master Builder."

"Wha—Oh. Fine. Get in your ship and hurry up. We need to leave. Someone just posted on the ReBlog that the Empire is conducting a search really soon." As Han stated this, engines started to be heard from the sky. Imperial Star Destroyers! Han and Luke jumped in the _Kestrel_. "Hurry up, Emmett!"

"One problem," worried Emmett. "I sort of don't know how to pilot the ship."

"Oh, is that all? To think that you could ever be the leader of the Rebellion. Don't think that I didn't saw through your 'plan'." Han proceeded to bang his head on the wall in exasperation.

DAD went crazy. "Han, are you okay? If you do that 999,999,999 more times, you will become deaf!"

Han started banging his head on the wall some more.

* * *

 **Han does like these people/robots, but that doesn't mean they can't drive him crazy.**

 **Please tell me what you think; should I keep going or just move on to another story?**

 **Haha, I'm going to finish this story since I have it all written out, not that anyone cares.**

 **If anyone cares, let me know. It would be nice if I actually get support.**

 **Next chapter tomorrow!**


	3. Chapter 3: Dead People Running Around

**So, I've gotten like five views on this story. Yay!**

 **No questions to answer, so this is boring. Should I start a new story? What topic should it cover? I need ideas here, people!**

 **So this chapter starts off where last chapter left off. One more thing: Emmett?**

 **Emmett: yeah?**

 **Me: Do I own you?**

 **Emmett: Yeah**

 **Me: WHAT NO IT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION THE ANSWER IS NO**

 **Emmett: wait no you own me in clash royale, right?**

 **Luke: ok I'm taking over the Rebellion for now because Emmett is being stupid, Horseluv doesn't own any of us except the OCs**

 **Me: THANK YOU LUKE you are my favorite Rebel now**

 **Han: WHAT**

 **Me: I need to leave now bye**

* * *

Fortunately, Han only banged his head about 50 times before Luke pulled him away. "Dude, chill. I can reprogram DAD to be able to fly the ship in time for everyone to escape." Just as he finished, the new ship took off and started flying away. "Or, of course, Jack could fly it."

Han sighed. Luke knew enough about him to tell that he was mad at Emmett for outsmarting him. "Hey, don't worry. Remember how Leia shoved you into a garbage chute the first time you met her? And that now you're in love with her? And how that's really awkward since I'm her brother? You'll be fine, bro. In the meantime, let's show those guys the dream team of flying!"

Han shrugged. Not the best response to a pep talk, Luke thought dejectedly, but at least he wasn't cutting down trees again like last time Luke had pranked him.

As they got into the ship, a loud whoop was heard on the intercom. Emmett screamed, "Catch us if you can!" In the background, Jack, ever the worrywart, was warning, "Emmett, remember, they're Jedi and amazing pilots, and they are much better at piloting than me. Calm down!"

Luke grinned. "Listen to Jack, Emmett. You want a bet? 'Cause we'll get to Tatooine fifteen parsecs in front of you. Han, jump!" As Han brought the _Kestrel_ into orbit alongside Emmett's ship, Luke's fingers flew across the navigator screen, calculating the motion of planets and black holes, and finding the fastest safe route to Tatooine. Over the comm, Luke could hear Jack fretting. "Oh man, I haven't done this in a while. Wait, I forgot about space storms! The bet is off! Stop!"

Luke laughed. "Oh, Emmett is the only one who can call this off. Until he calls it off, it is on. See ya, suckers!" Before anyone could respond, Han punched a glowing button, and the stars stretched out, leaving the green world and the lone ship behind them. Han sat back in his chair, clearly at ease. Luke could tell that this race was boosting his self-esteem.

"Are you sure that you're okay, Han? I know that Emmett is really annoying, but you've never let anything as little as him bother you before," Luke ventured, nervous about pushing Han's rage button. That had only happened once, but he would never forget it. He hoped that winning the bet would cool Han down. Fortunately, his gamble paid off.

Han sighed. "It just makes me feel bad, how Emmett thinks that he can lead a whole Rebellion. The old one was led by tons of people, and just one defected and it all fell apart. With him at the helm, I wouldn't expect us to last a week."

Luke shook his head. "Have some faith in Emmett, Han. Yes, he is a rookie, but he has you and me to help him. Even now, he has something more than the old Rebellion leaders, the ones that never wanted to even help in the battles. He has hope. And, also, he has you. If Emmett fails, you can just lead the Rebellion for a while."

"Yeah, right," scoffed Han. "Yeah, I'll just, like, lead the Rebellion for a few months. No biggie." His face softened. "But really, thanks, Luke. You always did have good pep talks. Now, let's go on and win this bet. Someone needs to show Emmett who's boss. He might be a hopeful rookie, but he's still a rookie."

Luke was glad that his friend had no hard feelings against their new acquaintance. Emmett was a good person, even if he was very . . . impulsive, to say the least. Without feelings of guilt, he focused on the monitors in front of him, determined to put the young Emmett in his place.

Some time later, the blur of lights outside the bubble of the cockpit dimmed. A fiery binary system of stars was visible before them. One tiny lump of rock, glowing as if it was a tiny star itself, loomed closer.

Exactly fifteen parsecs later, Emmett's ship warped into reality beside them. Emmett was denying the fact that they had to pay up. "In fact, Han, we were exactly 14.9 parsecs behind you-"

"Oh, come on, Emmett," grumbled Luke. "Everyone knows that the parsec meters are all over the place, especially made by a newbie. The Force doesn't lie. That was fifteen parsecs. Now come on, when we land, you need to make an extra ship for me. Hold your side of the bargain, bruh."

"Ooh, can you make a droid for my ship that can drive it around?" Han asked, giggling. Emmett glared at him again.

Before either one of them could say or do another stupid thing, Luke tensed. A ripple came through the Force, of something bad coming. It seemed to resonate around the warning for _explosives_ , and they seemed to come from Tatooine. From Han's expression, Luke could tell that he felt it too. "How about we land?" asked Luke apprehensively. "Follow us."

Emmett, Jack, and DAD were confused after both ships had landed. "This does not look like Mos Eisley!" wailed DAD frantically. "We will run out of water and my stove will die and we'll all be dead! Our chances of surviving are 1,000,000 to 1 and—"

Luke sighed and turned off DAD's vocabulator. "Will you just stop it? You sound like C-3PO. Well, if we had landed in a town we would die anyway, because there's someone here with a whole lot of explosives, and a mind to blow them up. We landed here so that they don't see us, but we'll be able to reach them in time. We need to stop them!" The four people dashed off. DAD made a lot of rude hand signals, and then raced after them.

After a long time running, they could see a big shape in the distance; a mountain of TNT. Three small figures were running around it, and three nice ships were waiting beside it, being serviced by three astromech droids. There were 3,000,000,000 tons of TNT in the huge pile. What can I say, those guys just loved the number three.

Anyway, the group of heroes skidded to a stop a couple hundred yards before the monstrosity. Han shouted, "Stop right there! There are innocent people on this planet, and they do not deserve to be blown up! Hands up!"

No one obeyed him. One older guy looked up. "Sorry, but this rock doesn't deserve to exist. If you are smart, then you'll get off this rock in three minutes like a Jedi, who knows that the best decision is to run, not stand and fight like a hero."

"Been there, done that," answered Luke. "So has my friend here. We're still not running." The duo ignited their lightsabers. "Now do you wanna back away?" Usually, this trick worked when they wanted to scare away someone who was threatening to do something stupid, like jump off a cliff, eat a screw, or try and blow up a whole planet. You would be surprised if you knew how many times these things can happen.

This trio was undaunted, barely even surprised. Standing up, the same guy smirked. "You just don't know when to quit, do ya?" The three stood up, and three lightsabers leaped to their hands. Blue blades ignited, and the three were poised to strike, in true Jedi fashion.

Han paled. "What the _h_ -"

Before he could finish, the trio leaped into action, effectively censoring Han's dirty mouth. They slashed with their lightsabers, forcing Han and Luke back. As Jack jumped in to aid the two, Emmett ran toward the TNT. He started to build something, but Luke was distracted by the guy fighting his way toward him. It was the same person who had been talking earlier. Their lightsabers clashed, green against blue, neither yielding. Around him, Luke could hear the sounds of battle; Han sparring with the oldest guy, Jack with the youngest. Somehow, Jack's spear was both electric and lightsaber-proof. Emmett, he now saw, had built a giant shredder, and the TNT mountain had fallen into it. He ran over to the ships and began deactivating the droids, who had tried to come over and help. DAD, meanwhile, had found the switch to his vocabulator, and was running around, and he had started yelling, "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!"

The person Luke was fighting glanced over, just for a second, but it was enough for Luke to gain the upper hand in the battle. He flipped into the air, kicking his opponent in the jaw and landed with his lightsaber next to the guy's throat. "Game over," he whispered. The other two Jedi dudes had stopped, also looking for the source of the exclamations. Now they had a lightsaber and spear at their throats. Very slowly, they sat down.

The main guy looked angry, but then suddenly looked bewildered. "What was I doing? I thought that we were on Ilum, and… Oh. Hello. You look familiar… Are there any questions you want to ask me?"

"I'm actually wondering, why did you want to blow up Tatooine?" asked Luke. "I mean, it does suck, but did you really have to go to the trouble of blowing up the whole planet? Plus, if you don't answer, this lightsaber is coming down!"

The youngest guy, a kid, paled. "Okay, my name is Lando Calrissian, this is Hondo Ohnaka, and this is, um, Alexander Hamilton, and—"

Han smirked. "I know the real Lando, and he definitely doesn't look like you. He would make up a much better lie. Plus, I know you're fibbing anyway. Jedi, remember?"

"I'm not even a Jedi, and I know that you're fibbing, 'cause none of you guys look like Alexander Hamilton or Lin-Manuel Miranda, unless you," Emmett explained, pointing to the guy Luke had been fighting, "grew a beard, put your hair in a ponytail, and sang rap."

"Who's Lin-Manuel Miranda, and why would Hamilton have long brown hair and a beard?" asked the kid.

"Emmett, whatever you're blabbing about, just shut up. What should we do with 'em?" asked Luke. "We could let them go, but then they would try to blow up Tatooine again, like serial killers. We could always throw them in that fake Sarlacc you built, Emmett."

"No, we wouldn't like that," protested the Luke Fighter. "Plus, your new fake Sarlacc would get all spattered with blood. That is, it would if we didn't just Force ourselves out. Well, I have no idea what we were doing. We were hanging out on Illum, doing Jedi stuff, and then I felt… smothered. Next thing we know, we're here. We don't want to blow up Tatooine. Look, can you just let us go about our business? It's not like you're Imperial."

"We can't just let you go," argued Jack. "What if TNT 'accidentally' falls out of your ships and blows up Tatooine? You can't be trusted. We should hold you prisoner, until we can get you somewhere without a ship. Then, you won't escape and blow up anything else."

"Aw, come on!" complained the kid. "He's telling the truth! You guys have to believe us! We really don't mean any harm to anyone. You guys are extremely paranoid. Even more so than Ob—than, uh, Jar Jar, here." The oldest guy glared, clearly miffed at being called Jar Jar.

"Look," sighed Emmett, taking on his role of team leader. "If you tell us why you were really trying to blow up Tatooine, you can join our group of Rebels. Everyone wins! Anyway, our Jedi know when you've lied, so it doesn't matter what you try to do. Come on, that guy can't be named Jar Jar. That would be a horrible curse on anyone. Spill."

Luke Fighter sighed. "I already told you, we told you everything we know. That's all I remember. I wish I could give you a better answer, but I can't."

"You know what? I believe them," Luke stated. "Plus, the guy isn't lying."

The kid appeared a little scared. "Actually, before I felt smothered, like, as in the same feeling that this guy had, he shouted, 'Ez- I mean, cool dude, look out!' And then Anakin stopped talking, and then;"

"You're Anakin Skywalker?" shouted Jack. "Why didn't you tell us?"

The kid covered his mouth. "Dumb, dumb, dumb, mistake. I didn't mean that, I made a mistake, and—Look, just stop bothering us. Okay, he is Anakin, but he isn't evil or anything."

"Well, that's impossible," Emmett countered eloquently. "If he was Anakin Skywalker, he would be dead. Or evil. Or both. He can't be Anakin Skywalker if he isn't evil, or at least really beat-up and stuff."

The guy burst out laughing. "Check my I.D. card, then!" he dared. When the card was thrust out, Emmett saw that the card did state that the owner was "Anakin Skywalker", with some images which were of the guy, but did seem to be of Anakin Skywalker as well. Basically, he was Anakin Skywalker.

"Dad!?" exclaimed Luke. "Didn't you die? I know that that is a very awkward question, but still! The Emperor killed you! Plus, shouldn't you be really old and evil and stuff?"

Anakin shrugged. "Time's weird. Whenever anyone wants, they can see me as really old, a kid, or pretty young. Apparently, I'm stuck as sort of young. Plus, that must have been an evil person who turned to the Dark Side and pretended to be me. I could have found your base in an instant if it was me, even with two fake arms. By the way, I have only one fake arm as of now. I found a file that talked about Darth Vader, as well as you and your sister. This is Obi-Wan, who is not dead either."

"Yes," grumbled Obi-Wan. "I am also not Hondo Onaka or Jar Jar Binks, which is what Ezra called me."

"Sorry!" exclaimed Ezra. "I was desperate!" Obi-Wan glowered, clearly not satisfied with the feeble excuse.

"Ezra Bridger?" asked Emmett. "I love your TV show! It's the best show ever! Of course, that doesn't include movies, so don't feel miffed, guys."

"Well," Han concluded, "do you want to join our group? We're trying to kill the Emperor for good, and do awesome stuff on the way. Emmett is the leader, but Luke and I are sort of co-leaders for the Rebellion if Emmett does something stupid. What's your choice?"

All three Jedi joined the Rebellion, along with their three droids. Luke was sure that the new members would help the Rebellion grow, but they needed to go away from Tatooine. It was too dusty, and too hot, for a good base. They also needed more supplies.

Luke was also confused by Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ezra's actions. Why would they blow up an innocent planet? What was this "smothering" feeling? There were lots of questions, but Luke accepted that he didn't really have any answers.

"Guys, let's go to Coruscant!" exclaimed Emmett. "No one will really recognize us, and we can get supplies for the Rebellion!"

Han actually agreed for once. "Box is supposedly also on Coruscant, so he can join up with us. We can go as soon as all the ships are ready. We'll need to disguise though, in case someone recognizes us."

Emmett, Luke could see, was happy. Now, he was making executive decisions for the whole Rebellion! (Of course, the Rebellion was a group of 11 people/droids, but still!) Life was good.

Of course, then it started to suck again. At least, for Emmett, it did.

"Emmett?" asked Luke, giggling. "Before we leave, you need to build me a ship!"

"And my droid!" added Han.

Luke sensed that Emmett wanted nothing more than to punch them both in the face.

* * *

 **Sorry that this chapter was so confusing, I'm following a plot that only makes sense if you're me, which you aren't. Basically, time is MESSED UP, and there's been a lot of "decoys" running around. If you think this is weird, just wait until Han's great grand-kids (while Anakin still doesn't look a day over forty-one).**

 **So, two (possibly three) resurrected people are running around now. It's only gonna get crazier from here guys. Don't judge me too hard, please.**

 **Also, Han censoring! Note, this is the closest anyone gets to cussing (there may be a mention of fudge, but I don't think so).**

 **Each chapter ends with life being good/great/awesome, and then sucking. See if you can notice that in later chapters, as well as other patterns.**

 **Till next time then!**


	4. Chapter 4: Hiding in plain sight

**Wow, already at 5000+ (words, not followers). Not to mention there are gonna be 15 chapters in this story. Wow. The document that I'm writing this on, where I've finished 12 chapters, has about 30,000 words. Yeah, I write a lot.**

 **So this chapter might have a couple romantic implications, but that is not the focus. I hate romance beyond the casual ship, and anyway I'm horrible at writing it. Pay no attention to the romance, it doesn't come up until chapter 31 in the story.**

 **One last thing: Luke?**

 **Luke: sup bro whatcha need**

 **Me: Luke use proper grammar, do I own you?**

 **Luke: hmm ive never thought of that before isn't it illegal**

 **Me: What are you talking about, and use proper grammar!**

 **Luke: well if you say you might own me that means someone does own me but thats slavery**

 **Me: NO, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THIS IN MY HEAD AND ON MY COMPUTER, YOU'RE JUST IMAGINARY YOU CAN'T BE A SLAVE IF YOU'RE IMAGINARY!**

 **Luke: WHAT IM IMAGINARY WHAT MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE**

 **Anakin: Horseluv doesn't own us and DON'T TALK IN CAPITAL LETTERS**

 **Me: If you're in my head, there's spiders in my head. OOH SONG REFERENCE anyway, Anakin you're my favorite now, on to the story!**

* * *

After a couple days, the burst of starlight outside of the ship shifted once again to reality. Han cheered and set down his video game. During the long flight, Emmett had introduced the guys to a special video game that he had played on Earth, called Commander. People could be the leader of a Rebel squadron, and fight the Empire. Usually, it took about two hours to level up once on hard mode. Han had been playing on extreme mode for three hours, and was already at level 10, mostly because of Anakin's hacking skills. He gave everyone unlimited alloy, cash, and gems, so they could speed things up and buy everything possible. Anakin also made it possible for people in a squadron to attack each other using OP attacks, and Han had been pranking Emmett back from trolling him. His evil plan: toilet paper the whole base, set off sparkly Hello Kitty fireworks, fill the base with screaming goats, and dress the soldiers in underwear hats. Still, it would feel nice to be on the ground for a while and take a break from the game. Han deployed the landing ramp and walked down, where the other Rebels were waiting for him.

Of course, Coruscant, as crowded as it was, could still hold people who would recognize Han, Emmett, Luke, or even Anakin and Obi-Wan, due to the news (all the Star Wars peeps) or popular movies (in Emmett's case). To combat this, everyone wore dark cloaks that shielded them from view, and would TOTALLY not make anyone suspicious about why they were hiding their identities. Right?

As the group of eleven walked down the street, Han quietly scanned the windows of shops, looking for Box. He soon noticed that there was a squadron of stormtroopers tailing them. The cloaks must have tipped them off. Several times, Anakin and Obi-Wan walked back and did a Jedi mind-trick on the clueless troopers, telling them to fall in some toilets. They were apparently receiving orders continually to track them, however, meaning that their pursuers had guessed that the group contained Jedi. Someone Imperial, then, had actually become smart. Boo.

As the group started to walk a little faster, Han finally saw Box, lounging against a store window. Emmett started to run up to him, but Han stopped him. No need to let the Imperials know that this guy was a Rebel just yet. He was wearing a T-shirt that had once read _The Empire Rules_ , but now claimed _The_ _Empire_ _Dude in This Shirt Rules_. As Han watched, two patrolling troopers walked up to the man. "You have broken rule number 4,999, sir," intoned the lead trooper. "No defacing of any merchandise with the name _Empire_ on it. Hand over your shirt."

"Oh, silly me!" exclaimed Box. "I got my rule book yesterday, so it only goes to rule 4,998! I meant no offense, sir. This shirt now compliments the Empire even more than it did before! Technically, I am part of the Empire, and I think that the Empire is way cooler than me, so naturally, if I rule, the Empire rules WAY more! Instead of the Empire just ruling, it is WAY ruling! Don't you agree? Anyway, isn't it breaking an even bigger rule—I believe rule 2,835—for me to walk around without a shirt on?" As the troopers pondered this point, Box caught a glimpse of the group and grinned. "I've got to go now, sorry! See you around!"

Having effectively avoided the troopers, Box walked away, turned a corner, and ran up to the group. "Sorry, guys. Have to lay it on thick. Really, this shirt is complementing the Rebellion! You brought Emmett? Good. Hey, Jack. Hey, DAD. Han, Luke, how's it going? Is that Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ezra? Wow. You guys have been busy." Surprisingly, Box did not seem that surprised that two supposed-to-be dead guys were with them. Box had never really been surprised about anything.

"That's not important right now," muttered Han, who had forgotten just how annoying Box could be when he wanted to. "Lower your voice. There are more bucket-heads coming, and we need to outsmart them. Here, put on this cloak. We need a place to hide."

"Okay, fine," sighed Box. "I wanted to show off my shirt, but whatever. Hey, where's Leia? I got some info that she's on Coruscant, in one of the shops. Should we try and find her?"

Inside, Han gasped. Leia was here? Where had she been? Could they find her in time? "What do you think, Box? Duh, we find Leia. Duh, we find the best fighter the Rebels have known." Luke, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Emmett glared at him. "Okay, well, fifth best fighter, after Luke, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and me. Emmett, no comment. Anyway, duh, we find the Rebel's best commander. Why wouldn't we?"

The group set off, weaving through the dark layers of Coruscant's underground tunnels. Han glanced at every shop window, looking for the girl he was in love with had special affection for. Okay, fine. They were in love. They were married. They were all mushy-mushy, but this book doesn't focus on mushy-mushy stuff. It focuses on epic stuff.

As the group walked on, Han heard Emmett and Box talking, probably about how Box had lied to Emmett about the Star Wars galaxy being real and stuff. Han sighed. Couldn't Emmett just accept something for once? If Box had told Emmett the truth about his "boxing" days, Emmett might have been less clueless, but he would also be in much more danger. Sure, Box should have been more honest with his son, but Emmett should know that complaining about it wouldn't change anything. That was why Han had never mentioned Leia in front of Emmett. He didn't want to be seen as longing, desperate to change reality. Well, that pride was useless. Emmett wouldn't have cared one way or another.

As Han looked through the windows of each store, he felt a growing apprehension, as the stormtroopers gained on them. Ezra and Luke were still on duty, mind-tricking the troopers every ten seconds, but it seemed to be no use. As the group was held up by a large group of fat, touristy aliens, Han finally grew desperate. "Follow me!" he whispered. He led the group across the street. Once they turned the corner, momentarily obscured from the troopers, the group ran for dear life. Weaving through the crowded streets, they finally turned and burst into a store, whose windows were obscured by pet supplies.

"The—troopers won't—think to—check in—here," panted Emmett. He was the only one panting; he had never been good at running laps. Everyone else had gotten a lot of practice from running from Imperials. "Oh, look at that dog! It's ADORABLE! Dad, can we get it?"

Box and DAD shouted yes at the exact same time.

Luke decided to get a puppy as well, explaining that he was often lonely on his ship. After selecting some pet habitats to add to the ships for the pets, Han walked to the back of the store to pay. The cashier was tending to a cat behind the counter. When Han cleared his throat, the cashier turned around. Han blinked. The cashier was Leia!

Han was about to start yelling some stuff when Leia whispered, "Be quiet. The owner of the shop is going to come soon, and he CAN'T see you here. He's been forcing me to work for him, and he is starting to realize that I'm Leia. If he knows, he'll turn me in without a second thought. Hide, and let me work my magic."

Han ran to the front of the store, and gathered up everyone. "Guys, into the bathroom!" He shoved everyone into the room (thank goodness they were all guys) and explained the situation. Luke was basically shaking by the time he was finished. "We have to help Leia!" he whisper-yelled. "We can't let her do this alone."

Han shook his head. "No. Leia specifically told me that I had to stay in a hiding spot until the owner was gone."

Anakin shrugged. "Well, she didn't tell us that we couldn't come out. There's an honest loophole there. We should just tie up this guy, grab Leia and the pets, and fly to the other side of Coruscant, where there are no political buildings. No one will think to look for us there. That side has more useful shops anyway, not that this store isn't good." Before Han could answer, Anakin and Luke charged out of the bathroom. Some muffled fight sounds were heard, before one voice suddenly stopped. A minute later, Anakin ran back into the room.

"Guys, come on. The guy was threatening to turn Leia in if she didn't answer his questions. We jumped out, punched him, and stuffed a sock into his mouth. Luke's tying him up now. It'll be like two hours before anyone finds him, and he won't be able to escape in the meantime. Let's get the pets, get Leia, and get out of here."

Five minutes later, the Rebels ran out of the store. Now they had Leia, as well as the puppies, now named Buttercream and Buttercup, and Bobiosa, the cat Leia had been taking care of. Emmett had felt bad for the shopkeeper, so he had left behind some of his cash that he had brought from Earth to pay for the pets. As fast as humanly possible, the Rebels boarded the _Kestrel_ , the _Emmett HQ_ , the _L Ship_ , the _Interceptor_ , the _Phantom_ , and the _Ob Won_ so they could get ahead of the Imps. Life was great for about ten seconds. Then, as they flew off, Emmett suddenly shouted over the intercom, "I want some new clothes!"

"Okay, Emmett," sighed Han. "As long as they aren't too extravagant."

Emmett giggled. "Would you classify 'white and blue sparkly armor' as extravagant?"

Han glared at Emmett. Well, actually at the wall, but you get the point. Life sucked once again.

* * *

 **Well, they beat up some people. Yay. Next chapter, we'll get into some actual action! Of course, I'm horrible at writing action if it doesn't play out in front of me, I'm better with dialogue. Don't expect too much.**

 **Please tell me how I'm doing, I don't want to be completely clueless if all five of you hate this or if you think it's amazing! It's probably the first one, but still!**

 **I have another story up, I'll be updating it less regularly, but still check it out!**

 **Till next time! ~Horseluv**


	5. Chapter 5: Ice Cream and Wizards

**I'm back! Sorry for not updating yesterday, not that anyone noticed. I'm trying here, guys. So what if it sucks?**

 **Don't answer that.**

 **Anyway, the next chapter is STARTING! Endless shopping, wizards, a space battle, and knocked-over ice cream await our heroes. Will they manage to make it through today while keeping a straight face? Well, no. Sorry if that's a spoiler.**

 **Anakin?**

 **Anakin: Yeah?**

 **Me: You know the drill.**

 **Anakin: Which one? The one with the lightsaber, or the one with the deflecting, or...**

 **Me: WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME**

 **Anakin: DON'T TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS**

 **Me: YOU HYPOCRITE I WILL STEAL PADME AWAY FROM YOU AND MAKE HER A HUNTER OF ARTEMIS**

 **Anakin: WHAT WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL EVEN THOUGH PADME IS DEAD ANYWAY**

 **Me: Or is she?**

* * *

Soon, the Rebels had made it to the other side of Coruscant. Ezra jumped out of the _Phantom_ with a cheer. He was met with a huge store building, the glowing levels rising high into Coruscant's night sky. Really, you could barely tell that it was night at all. The sky was black, but hardly visible through all of the glowing airspeeders, jump bikes, and airbuses zooming through the streets, washing the landing platform with weird, orange light. Coruscant felt so much more crowded than, well, any planet in the galaxy. A huge number of people here, all living their own lives on this one small planet.

Chopper beeped angrily at Ezra, breaking him out of his reverie. More often than not, Ezra could interpret the droid's sounds into approximate words. Right now, he was threatening to shock Ezra if he didn't get moving. "Okay, Chopper, calm down! You need to keep up with me, though, because I'm not waiting for you!" He took off through the city streets. The Rebels had decided to land separately, so people wouldn't wonder why all the ships had landed at the same time, in the same place, and get suspicious. Now, they met up, still wearing their cloaks.

Emmett ended up getting his armor, complete with a sparkly blue cape. The new outfit had cost him the last of his money, but he didn't seem to regret it. Han got plain white armor and a red cape. Luke selected a red cape to go with his hero outfit, and Obi-Wan got a cape and new pants. They were a little snazzy, being bright red, but they were still pants. Ezra personally thought that all this clothing was silly. He didn't really care what he wore, as long as it wasn't Imperial.

After this, the group hit some other stores. They bought some spare blaster charges, face paint to disguise with (those cloaks weren't going to cut it going forward), and some grenades. The weirdest thing about this was that no one was suspicious of the gang. Anakin and Obi-Wan went into a food store and bought so much food, everyone had to come in and carry two big bags out (that's like 26 bags). Most of it was useful food, like plums, spaghetti, pie, peanut butter, chocolate, and whipped cream, but some useless food had been bought as well, like carrots, bell peppers, and (THE HORROR) broccoli. Anakin's excuse for wasting money on these things was something silly about needing to stay healthy. Ezra decided that he didn't care if he got fat, as long as he didn't have to eat broccoli.

Ezra and Emmett worked together (for once) to beg for ice cream, and finally Han relented. Whenever Emmett started to do something silly or dumb, like beg for ice cream at nine in the morning, Luke or Han took charge of the Rebellion to make the smart decision. Honestly, they were in charge a lot. Now, the whole team was sitting in front of the ice cream store, eating their one, or two, or four scoops of ice cream. Two people (guess who) had gotten four scoops. They were blessed in eternal happiness (well, it was eternal until Anakin later forced them to finish their broccoli). The older, more reasonable people sat eating their one-or-two scoops of ice cream, telling jokes and making plans for the Rebellion. Emmett and Ezra would have joined in, even though they were not older more reasonable people, except for the fact that they were busy eating their ice cream.

Suddenly, through the huge mound of ice cream in front of him, Ezra heard—no, _felt_ —a ripple in the Force. Kanan Jarrus, his old Master, had taught him how to recognize what the Force was trying to tell him, but right now it felt completely unfamiliar. He knew that it must be something that he had never experienced before. So, at least there weren't Imperials about to blast the Rebels or bomb them or pull off their pants. That had been embarrassing. Still, the ripple did not seem completely benevolent. One glance at the other Jedi confirmed his suspicions. As the threat got closer, he pushed Emmett down and grabbed his lightsaber/blaster, preparing to shoot whatever it was. He was so focused on protecting the others that he dropped his ice cream. Then, they crashed through the window.

Two wizards, flying around on their broomsticks, crashing straight through buildings, cursing each other's pants off.

Well, that explained why he hadn't recognized the Force ripple.

The Rebels stood up as the weird dudes landed their broomsticks near the entrance to the ice cream store. One of them started laughing. "That was AWESOME, Dragomir! We should do this all the time!"

"What, break the buildings and make me drop my ice cream for no reason?" snarled Ezra. "You should be sorry that I dropped my ice cream! You just broke the law! We're the Rebels, and if we want to, we can totally wreck you!" Han made some motions with his hands, but he couldn't stop Ezra from revealing their motives.

One of the wizards grumbled. He was pretty young, but his hair was white, with a widow's peak. "Sorry for breaking the law. Rebels."

"Touché," admitted Ezra. "Still, we haven't destroyed Imperial property yet, and you did, so you're breaking rule number 5. That's like, a really big rule."

The other wizard, who had a big blue eye and a buzz cut, rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but rule number 1 is that you cannot join the Rebellion. Look it up."

"Well, yeah, but that was the old edition. The new edition, published yesterday, has that as rule number 2. Now, the ultimate rule is, don't knock over people's ice cream. Look _that_ up," Ezra fired back. "Plus, the Rebels are more awesome than the Empire, so there shouldn't be a rule against us."

"He's actually not joking," Box confirmed. "The first rule in this updated book is, 'Do not knock over any ice cream, or you will be destroyed.' The Rebel rule only says, ' You will be captured, and most likely tortured.' You'd better clear out."

Just then, the video screens on many of the buildings darkened. A loudspeaker blared, "ATTENTION IMPERIAL CITIZENS. THERE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED REBEL SIGHTINGS IN DISTRICT 4,893. THE REBELS HAVE LEFT THIS SECTOR BY NOW, AND ARE ARMED AND DANGEROUS. UNLESS YOU HAVE KNOCKED OVER ICE CREAM LATELY, PLEASE HELP CAPTURE THESE REBELS AT ALL COST, BY CALLING 1-800-CAPTURE. IF YOU HAVE KNOCKED OVER ICE CREAM LATELY, SCREW YOU. YOU WILL DIE SOON."

"Man, I hate when they talk in capital letters," muttered Anakin.

Unfortunately, the video screens now showed a picture of the Rebels, and some bystanders looked in their direction. Hastily, they dialed numbers into their phones. Stormtroopers showed up, yelling, "Stop right there! Also, you dudes, who knocked over their ice cream? Even though they are Rebels, and they are illegal, and it's a good thing you knocked over outlaws' ice cream, you still get a lifetime in prison!"

"We're getting out of here. Do you want to leave with us, or with these guys?" asked Ezra.

The white-haired wizard quickly answered, "We'll go with you. Meet you in Coruscant's upper atmosphere, just above here. We'll be in our ship, the _Dragon_. I'm Dragomir Despair, and this is Miles Gravybutt, my apprentice. Sorry about earlier, and the ice cream and all that stuff. Here, we'll cover your escape!" Dragomir and Gravybutt jumped on their broomsticks and raced away, dodging the blaster bolts from the troopers. As they raced away, curses, jinxes, and hexes rained down on the troopers. One turned into a bucket, another started doing the chicken dance, one fell on the ground and did the Worm, and one's pants fell down, revealing underwear that proclaimed, _The Emperor Is My Dream Girlfriend_. As they dashed away, Ezra could hear everyone laughing their faces off, including him. Except for Emmett. Emmett was too busy panting.

The group reached their ships quickly, and the squadron soon took off. Ezra pushed the _Ultra Boost_ button on his dashboard, and the _Phantom_ took off, reaching the upper atmosphere in a matter of minutes. Up here, there were no airspeeders, and no blaster bolts reached high enough. Ezra was super happy. Just a few minutes to calculate the hyperspace jump, and they would be out of here. Home free!

Of course, that was just when things went wrong.

"Where should we go next?" asked Emmett.

Everyone answered, "I dunno."

"Are those Imperial Star Destroyers?" asked DAD. "I hope they're not, but they look a lot like them. By any chance are they life-sized models made of cake?" Everyone ignored this last comment, since they were screaming over the problem at hand.

Ezra heard Han curse over the comm. "Blast it! All the ships are supposed to be blocking the Imperial Palace! They must have been alerted to us. The Emperor must think us a pretty big threat. Now, they're in front of the hyperspace lane. We need to destroy them!"

Now it was Emmett's turn to curse. "How are we supposed to destroy three Star Destroyers? Even with the wizards, it's like impossible!"

Ezra coughed. "You're our leader, Emmett. You have to tell us how to defeat them. Don't say that you aren't ready; no better time to learn than in a real battle. If you want my advice, we should disable one ship, and have the wizards ram it into another ship with one of their spells. You decide what to do."

As Emmett desperately thought, Ezra watched as three squadrons of TIEs shot out of the hangar bay of one of the Destroyers. "Any time now, Emmett!" he yelled. "Otherwise, Han or Luke will take over, and they'll get all the glory!"

Emmett scrabbled for an idea, motivated by the thought that Han or Luke could steal his victory. "Okay, _Kestrel_ , _Ob Won_ , and _Interceptor_ , engage those TIE fighters, while the _L Ship_ , the _Phantom_ , the _Dragon_ , and I go for the lead Star Destroyer." Obi-Wan and Anakin shot off, but not Han. "Han, engage!" yelled Emmett. Han responded, giggling, that R2-2R, the droid Emmett had built him, was flying the ship, not him, so Emmett had to command the droid. Ezra (with his microphone turned off) laughed his face off as Emmett screamed, "R2-2R, ENGAGE!"

As the little ships blasted TIE after TIE, Ezra followed Emmett's lead, twisting and turning through the minefield of blaster bolts. Five TIEs raced toward them, only to be destroyed by Anakin's lasers. Obi-Wan blasted the note ships on their flank, and Han launched glitter onto three more TIEs, which caused them to explode. As the four Rebel ships came into a line, Emmett yelled, "Fire!"

Four laser bolts shot out at once. Two, the ones shot by the wizards and by Jack, destroyed the blaster turrets on either side of the command bridge, while the bolts fired by Chopper and Luke cut off the neck of the bridge from the rest of the Destroyer, so it started drifting, free of outside control. That is, free until the wizards yelled, "Shovius Behindum!"

The ship moved backwards, gaining speed until crashing into the next ship, creating a huge fireball. All the TIE fighters on the ships were instantly destroyed. The last ship tried to retreat, but Ezra and Luke went after it. Ezra watched as Luke fired five shots, aiming seemingly randomly but actually hitting key spots in the Star Destroyer's armor. Ezra had never seen a better pilot. The ship soon exploded, and the orange spots of the fireball faded as the Rebel ships jumped to hyperspace.

"YESS!" shouted Ezra. "Take that, ya punks!"

"Actually," amended DAD, "we are technically the punks, because we are Rebels, but yes, take that, Empire!"

The Rebellion had won their first major space battle! Everyone cheered. Life was good.

Of course, Anakin started to look unhappy, and Obi-Wan looked angry. Ezra was curious as to why their eternal friendship was being hijacked.

* * *

 **This chapter got a little more ridiculous than the others so far. The craziness will not end soon. It is just starting...**

 **Had some fun with DAD, since he's this prime and pristine dude who is funny without meaning to be funny. He is always trying to pull the Rebels back from the brink of being un-serious, but he really only pushes them over.**

 **Wizards. Yeah. Enough said.**

 **Though, the fact that they exist in the Star Wars galaxy at all will be questioned... eventually.**

 **For now, see you in a little while!**

 **~Horseluv**


	6. Chapter 6: More Undead that are Alive

**So remember that little comment I had last chapter's author notes about someone maybe not being dead? Yeah, here's where it comes to culmination. That Lego George Lucas really got some facts wrong.**

 **I'm almost done with the Defender's first actual story, that should be up by the end of the week.**

 **Han?**

 **Han: Yes you person who doesn't think that I'm their favorite?**

 **Me: We don't have time for this, just say what you need to say and we can have a discussion later**

 **Han: What if I decide to throw a tantrum and refuse instead?**

 **Me: Then I'll tell Leia**

 **Han: YOU WOULDN'T**

 **Me: OH YES I WOULD**

 **Leia: Honey, why are you shouting with Horseluv?**

 **Han: Oh, nothing honey. *Whisper-shouts* SHE DOESN'T OWN US EXCEPT THE OCs**

 **Me: Thank you for cooperating, because it's totally because you wanted to.**

* * *

Later that day, the Rebels landed on Kamino, where there had once been clone facilities. Since it was pouring, and the ocean was almost 100 miles deep, Emmett built giant, puncture- proof, floating rings, from the remnants of the cloning facility, that could surround the ships. He also welded together about a billion paper clips, and used this super-strong rope to link the ships together and anchor them down. While he was doing this, everyone else extremely waterproofed the bottoms of their ships, and made a submarine mode for the ships, in case Imperials were stupid enough to look for them here. Finally, the Jedi levitated a huge plastic tarp over the whole ship-structure, and the wizards conjured up some tall, steel poles from pipe cleaners. When they were done, the Rebels had a huge, floating submarine tent. One side was open to the outside, and the other sides were protected from rain by more plastic, with the ships making up the floor. While Emmett babbled on about making it more permanent, with a special metal submerger with sliding doors, Anakin sighed and resumed mopping off R2-D2 and his ship. He personally didn't care what their base looked like, as long as it was dry and wasn't about to break.

The other Rebels built a small sparring platform above the ships, where they could practice fighting and snazzy stuff like that. There was also a treadmill, which Emmett immediately jumped on. Ezra and Jack had teased him after Coruscant, joking that a snail could run faster than him. Well, now Emmett was out of the way, trying to get faster. Now, Anakin could go on sulking alone.

Luke walked up to Anakin. "Hey, Dad, uh, do you and Obi-Wan want to try out the sparring platform? You can show off your skills and—Oh." He stopped when he saw Anakin's face. " _Oh._ Yeah. I forgot it was my birthday. Honestly, I don't really care, and I don't think Leia cares either. It's okay, you don't have to face Obi-Wan."

Anakin sighed. Today, they had somehow forgotten, was Ezra, Leia, and Luke's birthday—which meant it was also the day that Padmé Amidala had died. Even though Obi-Wan had sort of forgiven Anakin for marrying Padmé, he was seemingly aggravated again with the fact that she had died today. If Obi-Wan came and saw Anakin, he would start yakking about how Anakin shouldn't have married her, that if she hadn't trusted Anakin, she wouldn't have gone to Mustafar and gotten choked by his evil impersonator and—Anakin gagged just thinking about Obi-Wan's lecture. Why wasn't he mad at Leia for marrying Han? Did he just not know that they were married?

Since Anakin was just about the most powerful Jedi in the universe, he could feel everyone's emotions; Obi-Wan's anger, Han's sympathy, Leia's sadness, and Emmett's total confusion. Anakin resolved not to go near anyone but R2, since R2 was the only one who had known that Anakin had been married to Padmé in the first place. Now, as he retreated back into his ship, R2's beeps came over the intercom.

Anakin was confused. "R2, who would be sending me a transmission right now? Is this some kind of prank? Try harder next time, dude." As R2's beeps continued, however, Anakin started believing him. "Come to Dantooine ASAP? What kind of message is that? Who the heck could have sent this?" As R2 responded, Anakin's disbelief continued. "It's a _she_? She claims that she's _Padmé_? This must be some kind of sick joke." Even as Anakin stated this, he was detaching his ship from the others and preparing it for hyperspace.

As Anakin fired up the engines, Obi-Wan came up to his ship. "Anakin, what are you DOING?" he asked, yelling to be heard over the hyperdrive. "You're acting ridiculous! Calm down, and reattach your ship!"

"You're not my Master anymore," replied Anakin. With that, he pushed the blinking green button on his control pad, and his ship rose into the air, reaching orbit within minutes. Anakin calculated the hyperspace route as fast as possible, but before he finished, the intercom crackled to life. Emmett's voice came on. "Anakin, COME BACK! We need you! All your friends are here!"

"Except one," Anakin sighed. "I'll be back. Don't worry. Shut up. Did you even HEAR that, Emmett? I'LL BE BACK. CALM YOUR LITTLE BRAIN DOWN." A blue light blinked, and Anakin pulled a lever forward, watching as the stormy planet disappeared from behind him. As he traveled further, Anakin turned off the intercom. Finally. He didn't have to listen to Emmett blabbing on, and on, and on. As soon as he got to Dantooine, he was going to log on to Commander and troll Emmett's base with tons of screaming monkeys to compliment Han's underwear hats. Serves you right, Emmett. Sometimes, you're just a big butt.

Anyway, Anakin made it to Dantooine without any major issues. The planet was really far away from any other planets, which was why both the Rebels and Imperials had abandoned it. No bounty hunters. No creepy wildlife. Just a boring old empty planet. Well, now he was here, and he could play more Commander until Padmé, or whoever it was, arrived.

Soon, Anakin had trolled Emmett on Commander, and he was really bored. I mean, if Padmé really was alive, surely she wouldn't make him wait too long. To pass the time, he opened up a page of code, and proceeded to make Han's profile picture into a derpy squirtle. It would take a normal person about 20 minutes if they even managed to hack into Commander's database, but Anakin did it in two. What can I say, Anakin is just really epic. He's also, like, the best Jedi ever.

Soon after these shenanigans, Anakin heard some loud engines. He turned off Commander and jumped out of his ship. He saw a new star-ship coming in for a landing. The ship was tapered, wide at the end and narrow at the front, and and a little platform sticking out of the back. Painted white, it gleamed in the damp brown forests of Dantooine. The platform off of the back opened, and Padmé—the real Padmé—stepped out.

Anakin and Padmé proceeded to do some mushy-mushy stuff. (Remember; this book doesn't focus on mushy-mushy stuff.) Then, they went into Padmé's ship. C-3PO greeted the pair with happy exclamations, but almost cried when he saw R2. Of course, he couldn't actually cry, but his voice sounded so . . . emotional. Sometimes, Anakin could have sworn there was a person inside of 3PO. "R2, you've been gone so long!" exclaimed the golden droid. "What were you thinking when you left? You are so hot-headed sometimes!"

Anakin also got to meet Padmé's dog team, who had helped rescue her after she had Luke and Leia. Padmé had not actually died (of course, that's pretty obvious). The story had been spread so that she would be safe. Instead, she had traveled out with her new ship and dogs, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. She had stayed incognito, and had recently found out that Anakin and Obi-Wan were alive, and were with her kids. She had run into Imperials on the way, but had blasted them into oblivion. Although she had been slowed down, Padmé had continued on to Anakin. Now, they were together again. *cue more mushy-mushy stuff* After this, Anakin told his story, which has already been told, so it will not be repeated here. Padmé then declared that she wanted to join the Rebellion.

Anakin was extremely happy. Unfortunately, he was also really nervous. "Um, Padmé, what will Obi-Wan do? You know how ballistic he was when he found out that we were married." This part was cut out of the movie, because what actually happened was crazy. In the movie, Obi-Wan figured out that Anakin was married to Padmé and quietly accepted it. However, Obi-Wan actually started ramming into brick walls, screaming bloody murder, until Padmé shut him up. "If he finds out I left our new group to get you, he'll be half glad that you're back, and half ballistic that we're back together again, not to mention with our kids. I think that I'm only on good terms with him right now because he thinks that I'm a proper Jedi now. If we mess this up, he'll probably never speak to me again. That's a pretty big risk."

Padmé smiled. "Anakin, you worry too much. Call Luke and Leia, and tell them that you found me. They'll support us when we join the group. Call anyone else you think will help win over Obi-Wan. We can have a celebration, and give Luke and Leia a proper birthday. Obi-Wan will be outnumbered."

Anakin, excited by this plan, turned on his intercom and promptly called Luke and Leia, as well as Han and Ezra. He instructed Han to tell Emmett, Jack, and DAD about everything in person, because he couldn't bear any more screaming over the comm today. After a lot of explaining on Anakin's part, they agreed to help Padmé settle in and deal with Obi-Wan. Han even offered to make a banana cream pie and smash it into Obi-Wan's face if he got mad, but Anakin hastily declined the offer. No need to strain their friendship even more. The other Rebels turned off the comm as Obi-Wan approached, and Anakin happily jumped into his ship, ready to catch up with Padmé.

Several more hours later, the two ships slowed out of hyperspace, and Kamino was in sight once again. Anakin lowered his ship down a couple thousand miles, and he soon caught sight of the tarp tent. As they got closer, little figures became visible, running around the base like crazy. There was now a new set up; a big metal platform was in the middle, with ships and floats gathered around the outside. The whole platform was surrounded by ships, except for one big spot, where Anakin assumed that new ships could be added on. Han, Luke, Leia, Ezra, and Obi-Wan were holding up the platform until he and Padmé could get their ships into position. They did so quickly, ensuring that the new base wouldn't sink.

As Padmé got out of her ship, followed by C-3PO and her dogs, everyone cheered except for Obi-Wan, who merely remained emotionless until Anakin had jumped off of his ship. Anakin's former teacher pulled him off to the side, and hissed at him, "What were you thinking, Anakin? Bringing Padmé here is probably the worst thing you can do for you, and Luke, and Leia! Without her, you won't be distracted, and be true Jedi, and -"

"And be sad that Padmé isn't with us in the first place," Anakin answered flatly. "I'm more willing to work when Padmé can motivate me. Luke and Leia have me anyway, so Padmé can't really distract them any more than I do already. Just deal with it, Obi-Wan. Loving Padmé makes me stronger, and you need to accept that. I don't think that you would do too poorly with a girlfriend yourself." With that, Anakin walked off to prepare for the celebration, and welcome Padmé to the Rebellion.

The morning after, Anakin was tinkering in his ship, quietly celebrating Padmé's introduction to the Rebellion. The vote to allow Padmé, C-3PO, and the dogs into the Rebellion came to everyone vs 2. Only Obi-Wan and his droid voted against Padmé's group, and honestly, if he wasn't influenced by his master, R2-34 would have probably voted to let Padmé in anyway. The party had been amazing, with loud music, snazzy dance moves, and lots of cookies.

Anakin and Luke had also made a bet. Anakin was sure that they would only be able to stay on Kamino until the next day, while Luke's opinion was that the Rebellion would be able to hide here for a week at least. Emmett had tried to call off the bet, since it was discouraging the Rebels, and told the two to stop being pessimistic. In retaliation, Anakin told the leader of the Rebellion to start being realistic. In the end, the argument ended in them punching each other. At least Anakin had gotten in his sparring practice.

The only person not celebrating was Obi-Wan. He was off in a corner, sulking, but no one cared about his opinion. Anakin was really happy with the reception that Padmé had received. He was happy with his decision to bring back Padmé. Now, Anakin would be so much happier. Life was amazing.

Of course, just then, a double-decker couch and Cloud Cuckoo Land came flying in from the sky.

* * *

 **So, a little more resurrection is always good. Not really resurrection, since Padmé didn't actually die in this AU, but still. Fact changing!**

 **Anakin is salty with everyone except his kids, Padmé, and Obi-Wan, and he's salty with Obi-Wan when his former master tells him to stop loving Padmé. At least he isn't as whiny as Luke in episode 4.**

 **Comments/PMs/Reviews make the world go round, I want to know what you think!**

 **Check out my other story (once I actually update) since it's going to be better, with more character development, longer chapters, and more action!**

 **Next chapter, everything is awesome (not)!**

 **~Horseluv**


	7. Chapter 7: Everything is (NOT) Awesome!

**So, the only person reviewing this is my sister. If anyone else likes this story, could you tell me? I want to know!**

 **By the way, I should have mentioned this earlier but I am actually okay with The Lego Movie, it's just that Emmett doesn't like it.**

 **The first real chapter of The Defenders has gone up, if you want to check it out. I think that it's a lot better than this story, so please do!**

 **Leia?**

 **Leia: Yeah?**

 **Me: Do I own you?**

 **Leia: *is in the corner making out with Han***

 **Me: HONESTLY WHY DO YOU PUT ME THROUGH THIS IT'S JUST A LITTLE DISCLAIMER**

 **Benny: SHE DOESN'T OWN US**

 **Me: BENNY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU DON'T EXIST YET**

 **Benny: I'm just in your brain, and your brain doesn't care about timing**

 **Me: I guess so but WHY DID YOU SPOIL IT**

* * *

"What?" exclaimed Emmett. His friends had come here? They had once told him that they would follow him to the end of the galaxy; but _outside_ of the galaxy? In what could be a whole other universe, for all he knew? His friends had missed him, and they had decided to get to him. Even if that meant traveling out of the galaxy, they were up to the challenge. In that case, Emmett decided, Benny, Unikitty, and Wyldstyle were the best friends in the world.

Batman wasn't really the best friend in the world. He probably wouldn't have come anyway. If Batman had really come, he would have come in a space Batmobile, not a space DDC or Cloud Cuckoo Land. Batman hated double decker couches and Cloud Cuckoo Land.

"Come on!" shouted Jack. Emmett, Jack, DAD, and Box had been eating breakfast in Emmett's ship, but now they ran outside, where the rest of the group was gaping at the flying machines. The double decker couch seemed to run on sausage power, while Cloud Cuckoo Land was flying with sunshine power. Cloud Cuckoo Land was always really optimistic, and never actually realized that sometimes, things just suck! At least it would make people happy. The double decker couch was just awesome. It would make the Rebellion more awesome. No explanation needed.

Obi-Wan was off to the side of the crowd, apparently confused. He was the only one of the group who hadn't gotten around to watching the Lego Movie. He had no idea what a double decker couch was. Obi-Wan pulled out the new data-pad that Anakin had gotten him to make him feel better. Once searched, the words "double decker couch" got a couple trillion results, so many that even the really nice data-pad crashed. The Jedi screamed a really bad word and rammed his head into a nearby ship wall, wiping out immediately. Oh, Obi-Wan.

As the ships landed, Emmett ran forward. Benny exploded out of the double decker couch with an enthusiastic screech. "Emmett!" he yelled at the top of his little lungs. "WE FOUND YOU! WHY DID YOU NOT TELL US THAT THE STAR WARS GALAXY IS REAL? YOU COULD HAVE BROUGHT US WITH YOU! SAUSAGE!"

Emmett blushed, as sometimes Benny could not be trusted to use his inside voice (and sometimes means almost all the time), and answered, "Sorry, Benny. Events moved really quickly after Han and Luke arrived. If I had any more time, I would have called you. Honest. Just calm down, and then we can show you around the base;" but Benny had already taken off, running everywhere and screaming happily. Emmett sighed. At least he was out of the way.

Next out was President Bizness. Emmett privately sighed as the pompous dude walked out of the double decker couch. Honestly, he couldn't care less if Bizness was here or not. Bizness was okay, but he was overly stuffy and proper. He did rather like overbearing leaders, so he wasn't exactly the best person to join the Rebels. He made Emmett introduce him to every single person in the Rebellion, which Emmett found very awkward. When Bizness asked if he could stay with Emmett (THE HORROR), Emmett hastily claimed that there was no extra room. Disaster averted.

Next out was Unikitty, who had flown in Cloud Cuckoo Land. She did mention, however, that she would like to live somewhere else to shake things up. When she saw Bobiosa, Emmett could tell that it was love at first sight. He himself had loved Wyldstyle at first sight, even though it took a while for Wyldstyle to love him back. Unikitty walked over to Bobiosa, and they struck up a conversation in Cat. Emmett was glad that they were getting along.

Jack walked up to Emmett. "Hey, Em, I was wondering…. If Unikitty is moving out of Cloud Cuckoo Land, can me and DAD move in? It's not you we're worried about, of course. It's just that… DAD and I don't want to crowd you, and since Wyldstyle is here…"

Emmett smiled. "It's okay, Jack. No offense taken. Just introduce yourself to Unikitty, and ask her nicely. If you don't offend her, she's really nice. She'll definitely end up living with Bobiosa anyway. They're really getting along well."

As Jack walked off, Emmett saw the last remaining member of the group jump out of the double decker couch. She landed gracefully and flipped back her hood, revealing her face. Wyldstyle! Emmett ran forward, extremely happy. Now he had his girlfriend back! *cue mushy mushy stuff*

After Emmett and Wyldstyle had done their mushy mushy stuff, Emmett started to walk off and show Wyldstyle the Rebellion base, but Wyldstyle stopped him. "Emmett," she whispered, "I was the smartest one in that group, and I have both good news and bad news for you. The good news; we brought a friend. Bad news; we saw some Imperials approaching the base, and it looked like a destroying party, not a scout. I think they have found you. Submerging won't help you evade them. We need to leave Kamino, now."

"Okay, I'll get the Rebellion ready to go. We'll go to Mon Calamari, 'cause it's a partly water planet, and I am NOT wasting this awesome water base I built to escape the Imps. We can have a part land, part ocean base. Who's the friend you were talking about? And how did you find me?"

Just as Emmett asked this, he heard a commotion inside Cloud Cuckoo Palace. From behind the marshmallow columns, Emmett could hear a muffled voice, that sounded strangely like him. Finally, the figure jumped out, and Emmett saw what it was.

A droid, built to look just like Emmett, barreling toward him, belting out the "Thomas the Tank Engine" theme song.

Emmett barely had time to process this before the droid stopped in front of him. "Hello Master Emmett," it intoned. "I was built to be your servant by Wyldstyle. Benny made me look just like you, and Batman programmed me to be lovably annoying, just as he thinks you are. I will do anything you want me to, besides being alive, because I cannot be alive, because I am a droid, because I am…" The droid kept droning on.

"You built me a droid? You guys are the best! I'll name him Emmett Droid!" exclaimed Emmett. "Still, does Batman really think that I'm this annoying? This guy is driving even me crazy!" Emmett Droid proceeded to play "Thomas the Tank Engine" so loudly that the other Rebels got alarmed and ran over to Emmett to see what the problem was. Emmett used the opportunity to shout out, "Rebellion members, and Earth citizens who came to find me! We are moving to Mon Calamari ASAP!" Some grumbling ensued, especially from Luke, until Emmett mentioned, "It's because the Imperials are gonna try and find us," at which point everyone rushed to their ships. Emmett got into his ship, yelled at Emmett Droid to shut up, and gave the signal to lift off.

The Imperial Star Destroyers came just as Luke had calculated everyone's hyperspace coordinates, his task for losing the bet. Emmett yelled, "See ya, suckas!" as the Rebellion escaped from right under the Imperial's noses. As they got into hyperspace, Emmett asked Wyldstyle, "Are you gonna be a part of the Rebellion?"

Wyldstyle hit him and answered, "Of course, doofus. Batman got his own movie, so he was acting all high and mighty, and we are NOT going back to that." Emmett smiled and rubbed his face. Wyldstyle packed a real punch. "Anyway," she continued, "you brought the Piece of Resistance with you, which we realized once we looked in your room after you disappeared. Batman programmed Emmett Droid to track the Piece of Resistance, so we could find you. Batman himself was busy saving the world, so he decided to stay. He gets his own movie, so I don't think he cares."

Emmett looked at the Piece of Resistance. Such a small thing, and he now realized that it was useless. His friends had been the ones to figure out where he was, not the Piece. Even the dumb movie showed that friendship was the true resistance, not some silly piece. Emmett had taken the Piece because it connected him to his life on Earth, which he had hoped to return to. There was no going back now, though. He threw the Piece into the airlock door, and cast it off into hyperspace. "We belong here. Not on Earth. We need to save this galaxy more," he whispered.

Glad we finished with all the philosophical stuff that adds some meaning to this story. Back to what's important—funny stuff!

Some time later, the group arrived at Mon Calamari, where they promptly set up camp on a beach. Ezra and Chopper started throwing sand at each other, Obi-Wan and Anakin were arguing, Benny was jumping around like a lunatic, and President Bizness was trying to boss Han around, with Han's hand starting to wander near his lightsaber. Luke was playing Commander with DAD, pranking everyone's bases with atomic bombs disguised as boxes of cash. Basically, a normal day for the Rebellion. Emmett, Jack, and Wyldstyle built a campfire, and the whole group took turns roasting marshmallows on sticks and spears. They were having the time of their lives.

At least, they were until a space cowboy dude fell from the sky and landed on their fire, putting it out immediately.

"Dude," complained Emmett, "did you really have to fall from the sky right onto our campfire?" The Rebellion had sort of dampened his reaction to weird things, until he just had no surprise to weird things like space cowboy dudes falling on campfires. When the dude got up, however, Emmett could see that he had an Imperial stamp on his clothes. An Imperial agent had already found them!

"Attack!" yelled Emmett. "Don't kill him, but trap him and destroy his comm before he can radio in!" The Rebels jumped into action, throwing their sticky marshmallows at the space cowboy dude, until he was glued to the ground with marshmallows. Then, Jack threw his electric spear, which pierced the space cowboy dude's comlink, frying it immediately. Six Jedi held their lightsabers to the guy's throat. Benny stood over them all and whacked his sausage on Space Cowboy Dude's head, knocking him out.

Emmett reached into the guy's pocket, pulling out a couple hundred credits, some mints, and an identification card. He read it carefully. "It reads, 'Kylo Ren, Imperial Agent'. It can't be the Kylo Ren that is in Episode 7, because that episode isn't real, which is proved by Han standing right there. So, who is he?"

"I'm not sure this will help," ventured Benny, "but I can make connections to this guy's name. My last name is Ren, like him; and I used to have a brother named Kylo. What a weird coincidence."

"Um, Benny," Emmett asked, as everyone else cracked up, "do you really think it's just a coincidence? I mean, can't you put the pieces together?"

Benny looked around. "I don't see a puzzle, Emmett. Wait, why is everyone laughing? Did someone toot?"

When the space cowboy dude woke up, the wizards whacked him with a special rock they had conjured up. Space Cowboy Dude fell down, but then got back up. "Where am I?" he asked. "I thought that I was home, with Benny!" As you might have figured out, this was Kylo Ren, Benny's brother. Not the Kylo Ren that kills Han. Glad we cleared that up.

In the end, the brothers were reunited, the Rebels rebuilt their fire, and Emmett put a net over the fire, making sure that no one else would fall from the sky into their fire. Han and Luke tried to take charge, saying that there was a very low chance that someone else would fall from the sky, and they shouldn't waste perfectly good netting for fire patrol, but Emmett contradicted that it was better safe than sorry, and Benny supported him. Han and Luke finally stopped arguing when Benny tripped off the roof of Cloud Cuckoo Palace (don't ask), and fell into the net. They figured that they should stop arguing over something that was proven to work and be necessary. Overall, the Rebels were extremely happy. Life was great.

As Emmett fell asleep that night, however, he felt something stifling him, like a blanket wrapped around his face, or the Kragle getting squirted on his face. If he had known that this would happen, he would have kept the Piece of Resistance. He kicked and shoved, and then found that the feeling was moving off of him. He lay in bed, gasping for breath, as the feeling seeped around the base, searching for something.

The feeling. Just like Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ezra had described.

Emmett knew that something was afoot.

* * *

 **I know, I totally changed everything up and made everything more confusing. Blame my siblings for coming up with this story in the first place.**

 **The Rebels are totally paranoid and they do dumb things to make sure other people don't do dumb things.**

 **Next chapter, ALIENS! The Rebels learn to appreciate diversity (except for Obi-Wan, because we're always mean to him).**

 **~Horseluv**


	8. Chapter 8: Aliens and Superheros

**No one likes this story anyway. I don't know why I keep updating it.**

 **Well, I guess the sooner I finish it, the sooner I can move on to something else. I don't want to have too many stories going on at once, so I need to finish this. Then I can start something interesting. Avengers, Harry Potter, PJO, Hamilton... anything but Lego.**

 **I don't own anyone except OCs.**

 **Benny: WHAT**

 **Me: What's wrong, Benny?**

 **Benny: IT WAS MY TURN TO DIS-CLAY US**

 **Me: Well no one is reading this anyway, I don't think they care**

 **Benny: *GASP* EVERYONE CARES ABOUT ME**

 **Obi-Wan: Benny, be quiet. Capital letters are annoying, and FanFiction says that they're illegal.**

 **Me: Thank you Obi-Wan, even though you're super annoying in this chapter, you're okay most of the time.**

 **Anyway, hope all you non-existent people enjoy!**

* * *

Luke was extremely bored. Emmett had been acting weird for the past couple days that they had been on Mon Calamari. He would start to give out an order to scout or something, and then he would suddenly stop, as if something dangerous would happen if they so much as set foot outside of the base. Some people, such as Obi-Wan, took advantage of this situation, meditating and doing Jedi stuff like that, but closed spaces made Luke feel completely CRAZY. Everyone was busy, so he basically had to sit in his ship with no one to interact with. Without any space, or anyone to talk to, Luke was really going to start bouncing off of the walls.

Just as he thought this, he heard a weird ship landing. Most of the ships in the Rebellion had a high pitched, whining engine, that was developed to be relatively quiet. This engine, however, had a deep, booming sound, like the deep base on a rock song. Luke went outside, happy that this day was not as monotonous as the past couple had been. Finally, something interesting was happening!

The ship outside was massive, big enough for probably ten guys to fit inside without constantly arguing about spacing, which meant that it was big enough for twenty girls. Girls are more tolerant about space in a room. The weird thing about this ship was that it seemed to have something… inhuman about it. Luke couldn't quite place the feeling, but something about the engine, the shape, the windows, didn't seem like a human design. Even the emergence of two people from the ship didn't shake off his suspicions. The ship also seemed to remind him of a hitch that he had felt in the Force, like somewhere far away, a lot of things had been snuffed out. The signal, however, had been too weak to be real…

"Hello?" called the first guy, who wore a black suit and had a red hat. "We don't mean to intrude, but we just escaped a planet blowing up, so can we get some help here?"

The second guy, dressed in a gray suit with a silver helmet, shouted, "We don't care who you support! We just have a pretty bad problem right now! We also have cake to share!"

Luke retreated into his ship and called Emmett over the comm. "Emmett, are you sure we should trust these guys? Who knows who they really support? What if they are just going to rat us out to the Empire? Maybe they poisoned the cake or something."

Emmett's voice over the comm sounded unsure. "I think that we should trust them for now, but they can't see us. Call Dragomir, Jack, and Kylo, and tell them to help the guys out. We can't risk them being Imperial and finding out that you, or Han, or Anakin's here. No one really knows Dragomir, Jack, or Kylo yet. We'll see if these guys are worthy of our trust. Oh, and warn everyone not to eat any cake before the weird dudes have had some, so we're sure that they didn't poison it."

As Luke watched from a window, the three Rebels walked out with their hands out in front of them, showing that they had no weapons. They shook hands with the two dudes, introducing themselves. Luke cracked open the window in time to hear the black-suit dude introduce himself as Fred, and the gray-suit dude as Octavius. They retreated into the doorway of their ship, preparing to open the door. "Brace yourself!" Octavius warned. "These guys can get pretty crazy!"

Luke was wondering, _Why didn't he introduce them properly_ , when Fred and Octavius forced the doors open, and six little aliens swarmed out. They were yellow, with blocky heads, no arms, and crazy hats. Three were cube shaped and had four legs, and three were rectangular and had two legs. They ran around crazily, crashing into ships and causing general mayhem. Dragomir, apparently forgetting that he was supposed to be hiding his identity, pulled out his wand and conjured up a big pen, which Jack and Kylo herded the aliens into. Fred wiped his forehead. "Thanks, guys. Those are Alfreds, from the planet Alfred. Their names are Alfred, Alfreya, Alfrank, Alfreddy, Alfrella, and Alfrodo, who likes to be called Little Timmy. The square ones are type 1s, and the rectangular ones are type 2s. Pretty recently, the Empire came, tried to take them over. The Alfreds refused, so their world got blown up. We were there on business, and we only managed to save these six. Usually, they're actually pretty smart, but Octavius and I think they're traumatized right now. So, excuse us if you like the Empire, but until we get a viable excuse, we hate the Empire's guts."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Can we get some proof that this is true? How could the Imperials have that much firepower? Why were you in the right place at the right time? How did you know to escape just in time?"

Fred seemed to ignore the last two questions. "Well, the Imperials have developed a new kind of turbolaser, and they have a fleet of ships that have it. They look like normal Star Destroyers, but when all ten are together, they can destroy a small planet. They tested it out on Planet Alfred because it was a small planet that no one cared about. Alfreds are also mostly Force-resistant, so they doubted that anyone but the strongest Jedi would be able to feel them explode."

Luke exhaled. So that was what the twinge in the Force had been about. All the aliens, screaming in terror, had emitted a tiny Force ripple, too small to be noticed by anyone but him, Leia, and his dad. Once Fred had shown the others some pictures of the blown up planet, Jack gave the signal for "safe". The rest of the Rebellion flooded out of their ships, filling the clearing that had been so empty before.

Fred and Octavius both looked surprised; and a little startled. "Fancy us, dropping in on the Rebellion!" Octavius finally exclaimed, attempting to break the tension. Most of the Rebellion relaxed, starting to joke around with the new arrivals. However, Luke could tell that Emmett was apprehensive, seemingly still suspicious of the new arrivals. Luke grabbed Han by the shoulder and pulled him over to the Emmett HQ, where Emmett ushered them inside.

"Emmett, what's bothering you?" asked Luke, not bothering with any preambles. "You seemed pretty suspicious of them, even after their story. I got some support from the Force; I did feel that little murmur, when the planet was blown up. What gives?"

Han glared at Emmett. "Honestly, you've been really jumpy for the past couple days. What's the problem with leaving the base for five minutes? No one has any private time anymore. We can help you with this problem. What isn't helping is excluding these guys. They're telling the truth. Give these guys a chance, bro."

Emmett seemed unsure. "A couple nights ago, there was this dark feeling I got, as if… something evil was lurking around our base. It seemed to be getting stronger, like whatever-it-was was approaching. What if these guys do really work for the Empire? They didn't say why they were on Planet Alfred, or how they escaped in time. Sure, they might not like the Empire, because it almost blew them up. That doesn't mean that they haven't worked for it in the past. Just because they didn't lie doesn't mean they told the entire truth."

Luke considered Emmett's points. "You do have a point. Still… they weren't lying when they claimed that they hated the Empire. That evil could have been left over from when Kylo was brainwashed. Give them a chance. We just need to find out if they will never, ever, join the Empire. That's good enough for me. Once an Imp, once an Imp."

The three emerged to see that Fred and Octavius were arguing with Obi-Wan. Luke was suddenly aware of a dark, stifling feeling, like the one that Emmett had described. Luke, with his greater experience, could recognize this feeling, and he felt it to be pure hate and malevolence. Strangely, it seemed to be enveloping not the newcomers, but Obi-Wan. As Luke watched, his old mentor suddenly whipped out his electrostaff and whirled it at Fred and Octavius, forcing them to the ground. Luke shouted at Obi-Wan and ran forward, but the feeling of hate shoved him back, into the ranks of Rebels who were watching the spectacle. Luke struggled to break through to Obi-Wan, as the old Jedi shouted at the group.

"These men were once agents of the Empire! They have a tracking device implanted on their ship, and the Imperials are going to access it to find us! They have doomed us all!"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Octavius roared back. "They betrayed us! We have no reason to owe allegiance to them anymore! Gravybutt told me that they had threatened to turn you guys over to the Empire, and you still let them join! We can deactivate the tracking device and everything will be fine!"

Obi-Wan seemed to be considering Octavius's exclamations, but before he could make a consensus, the Alfreds dashed out from the _Ob Won_. Their arms were full of candy, and the biggest one—Alfred—held Obi-Wan's datapad on top of his pile. They had apparently been trying to sneak out, but they must have thought that the party had moved on somewhere, because the stunned Rebels were so quiet. The little aliens stopped, and stared at Obi-Wan guiltily.

Obi-Wan was in no mood to forgive. "You see?" he cried. "The Alfreds have barely been here, and already they have proved themselves as thieves! They must go on trial! We can't let thieves run rampant in the Rebellion! It was a mistake letting any of these people—or aliens—into our organization!"

Fred sucked in his breath. "Ooh, Obi-Wan, you don't want to go so far as to say _that_. First of all, if you don't tell Alfreds that something isn't theirs, they'll assume that it's theirs, and take it. It's part of their culture. Secondly, if you don't consider them people, they'll -"

"What?" asked Obi-Wan. "They're tiny, have no mouths, and probably have no brains. I don't see them as people." Luke was dumbstruck. Never had Obi-Wan stated something so degrading, even about definite aliens, like Jawas. The evil cloud must have been messing with his mind.

When the Alfreds heard this remark, they started to growl. Obi-Wan whacked Little Timmy with his electrostaff, but Little Timmy looked completely unfazed. Instead, he was looking more angry by the second. To everyone's astonishment, he began to grow. Towering above Obi-Wan, he yelled, "STACK-FRED!"

"Well," whispered Luke to Han, "they do have mouths after all."

"No kidding," Han whispered back. "Why else would they steal all that candy?"

Alfreya drew up a slim blaster pistol, while Alfrank started shouting coordinates to the other Alfreds. Alfreddy grew arms and grabbed a couple of staffs, while Alfrella's lips grew poisonous. Alfred got a sparkly cape, and yelled at Obi-Wan, "Ya-poopie!"

Obi-Wan flew backwards, right into Gravybutt. Luke yelled at the wizard to conjure up the rock that he had hit Kylo on the head with, which Gravybutt promptly did. When Obi-Wan was hit on the head, the rock disappeared, and Obi-Wan fell over. Luke ran forward and caught him, laying him gently on the ground. "Obi-Wan, are you okay?"

Obi-Wan blinked and sat up. "What happened? The last thing I remember is going to sleep, and then… something was stifling me." He caught a glimpse of Fred, Octavius, and the Alfreds. "Oh, hello. I seem to have gotten some amnesia. Sorry about that."

Dragomir, flicking his wand, conjured another rock up. He tried hitting Jack with it, but it had no effect on the clone. "I think that this rock will make people who are brainwashed or possessed return to their normal state, but they won't remember what they did while they were brainwashed or possessed. That's a bad thing, because we still don't know who brainwashed Kylo and Obi-Wan, or why. If we don't know who's doing this, we won't know how to stop this. No one who's been associated with the Rebellion is safe until we know what this is."

Luke sighed. "Fred? Octavius? Alfreds? I think you're officially part of the Rebellion."

"Yay!" exclaimed Octavius. "Life is great!"

"No," Luke explained. "You're staying here because otherwise, the Imps might catch you. Life is not great. Life sucks."

Octavius groaned. "My bad!"

* * *

 **So, yeah. More pointless people. Yay.**

 **Also, more pointless plot buildup. Even more yay.**

 **Why do I do this again?**

 **Well, I'll keep updating, since I'm writing this story anyway.**

 **See you, invisible friends.**

 **~Horseluv**


	9. Chapter 9: More Aliens and Dak & Howard

**Seriously, no one cares about this story. Why must I force myself to continue it?**

 **Well, it's something I can put down and complete easily.**

 **Now, even more useless characters! Hooray!**

 **Obi-Wan?**

 **Obi-Wan: Yes, Horseluv?**

 **Me: I don't own everyone, right?**

 **Obi-Wan: Well, I don't know. You own all of the dialogue that isn't quotes, the Alfreds, Howard, Fred, Octavius, some of the ships...**

 **Me: OBI-WAN WORK WITH ME HERE**

 **Fred: STOP TALKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS**

 **Me: I REALLY DON'T CAAAAAARE**

 **Fred: WHAT IT'S EVEN MORE ANNOYING WHEN YOU DISREGARD THE ENGLISH LANGUAAAAAGE**

 **Me: END THIS**

 **Fred: SHE DOESN'T OWN ANYTHING YOU RECOGNIZE**

* * *

Padmé was tired. The Rebellion had made plans to stay together at all times, even when just hanging out, in case the evil came back. If people stayed together, then they could notice when someone got possessed and call in a wizard. Padmé had gotten a lot more time in with Anakin and her kids because of this rule, but enough was enough. She was tired of being watched every second of the day.

Wanting to move around, she signaled to Leia, who went outside with her. They walked toward the outside of the Rebel base, talking about Anakin and Han, basically having a good time. As they passed by a fallen tree, however, they heard a little crackle of leaves. Padmé silently signaled to climb the tree, and both women silently crept toward the sound, pushing back a curtain of pine needles.

Behind the fallen tree's branches huddled three aliens. These aliens were much bigger than the Alfreds, and were much more varied. One was green and white, with rockets and wings, one was yellow with a huge tongue, and one was blue and icy. Their most common feature was that they all seemed pretty sick. They had blaster burns on their thick skin, indicating that they had recently been in a fight. Padmé was about to call Emmett over when Leia stopped her. "Mom, if a lot of people learn about these guys, whatever's been possessing us would find out, and these guys would be in danger. We don't know if these aliens want to join us, or if they want to go their separate ways. We should give them a chance to choose before we tell anyone about them."

Padmé sighed. "You're right. It'll take some work, but I can get something rigged up to hide them more securely. You go get some hot food and water, and see if we have anything for those burns. Don't tell ANYONE except the Alfreds. It's not a question of whether you trust them or not; it's only if they can't be possessed that we should tell them. I don't think the Alfreds can be possessed, so you can get them to help. No one else should be trusted."

Soon, Leia had arrived with the Alfreds in tow. Alfreya walked up to the big aliens. "Seen before," she murmured. "Mixels. From Mixel Land. Close to Planet Alfred. Very powerful when not sick. Can heal, but will take time."

"Take as long as you need to make them better, Alfreya," reassured Leia. "We're in no rush. It doesn't matter how long it takes as long as no one else finds out. Have you ever been to the Mixel's home planet?"

Alfreddy nodded. "Once. Field trip. Alfreds good friend of Mixels. Mixels can fight well. Helped against Empire until Alfreds blown up. Don't know if brave enough now."

Padmé sighed. "Just make sure these guys are healthy. Don't tell anyone about them, or they'll be forced to stay with us for their safety, even if they don't want to fight. We'll keep people from stumbling on them, and you just make up things to sneak away and help them. Once they're better, we can give them a choice."

With these words, Padmé, Leia, and the Alfreds covered the Mixels with a large tarp, to block out rain, and covered the tarp with some dried leaves, to provide insulation and camouflage. Once the Mixels were sufficiently hidden, the group walked back to the base, coming into the square from different directions so no one would be suspicious about where they had been. Padmé was desperate to warn Anakin, but she knew that if any more people knew about the Mixels, the secret would become harder and harder to keep.

Several days later, the Mixels started to move around. The salve over their wounds had done its work, and they had been kept warm and dry through the days. Padmé constantly had to sneak food out to them, but her dedication paid off, as the Mixels were healthy now. The green and white Mixel had introduced himself as Niksput. The yellow one was named Tungster, while the icy one was named Snoof. They had wanted desperately to see Padmé's "friends", but Padmé had warned them to wait. Without caution, the Mixels could be in great danger.

"Hi, Pad-mé!" shouted Niksput, as Padmé walked toward them. "Why can't we go see your friends? I like new friends!" The other Mixels noisily agreed.

Padmé sighed. "My friends, well… if you meet them, you'll basically have to stay with us. If my friends find out about you, our enemies could as well. You'd have to stay with us for a pretty long time…"

"I don't care!" exclaimed Snoof. "I think I'll like your friends! I don't care if we have to stay with you!"

Padmé tried to make the Mixels understand just how much danger they could be in, but they just couldn't grasp the concept. Finally, she relented, and led the Mixels out of the forest to see the Rebels. As they marched along, she felt a sudden chill. Padmé wanted to bring the Mixels back, but she couldn't go back on her promise. The Mixels followed her into the base, where the Rebels were standing, watching a sparring match between Luke and Leia. When the Rebels caught sight of the Mixels, they got very quiet. Leia gave Padmé a look, but before anyone could say anything, Niksput started eating all the pizza. Snoof started sliding around, and Tungster stuck everything with his tongue. The Alfreds jumped out and herded the Mixels into the pen that Dragomir made a while ago, telling the Mixels to be quiet. The Mixels couldn't be quiet until Alfrella told them that the first one to talk would be the biggest fool in the galaxy until she told them that they could talk again.

Padmé led Emmett, Han, and Luke into a corner. She explained the Mixel's situation to them, and the trio listened carefully. Finally, Luke stated, "I believe you, Mom. That was a pretty hard thing to do, but it was the right thing to do. Don't feel bad that the Mixels didn't really understand how much danger they would be in. I think they'll fit in pretty well. We'll make sure that they're safe, covered, and well fed."

Padmé laughed. "I think it'll take quite a lot to keep them well fed. Anyway, I'm glad that you're okay with the decisions Leia and I made. Hopefully, we'll be safe for a while."

Han grimaced. "You just jinxed it, Padmé. Everyone who says 'Oh, we'll be safe' always gets proven wrong within five seconds. I'll bet a hundred credits that the Empire is just about to attack our base."

Just as Han made this grim statement, a big BANG came out of nowhere. Everyone in the Rebellion started yelling at each other, blaming each other for the large sound, until they looked up and realized what was coming down at them. A huge ship, spray-painted black, was coming down at them, falling out of the sky. The Rebels started to make plans to catch it, but suddenly the ship flipped over, revealing a large white Imperial insignia. The Rebels stood and stared at it as it crashed into the nearby forest, right by where the Mixels had been hiding. When Emmett made no move to help the ship, Han grabbed a loudspeaker. "Me taking over Rebellion for now, on grounds of Emmett not helping people. Who knows? Maybe some people escaped the Empire in one of the Imp's ships, and they're actually Rebels. Let's go see what this is all about."

The Rebels obediently followed Han into the forest, where they were greeted with the ship. Amazingly, it had survived mostly intact; only some paint had been scratched. Padmé was suddenly suspicious. Upon closer inspection, the ship seemed to be cobbled together from hundreds of spare parts, but how could it have survived the crash, without state-of-the-art design? As the Rebels crept closer, the door started to open, revealing a high-tech interior, highly contrasting the outside. Two dudes were sitting in the middle of the ship at a space chess table, playing a game. One of them looked up at the Rebels and stated, "Rebels located. Will be destroyed."

Padmé jumped back, pulling out her pistols. She fired at the control panel of the door, sending a column of smoke into the air. The Rebels stumbled backwards, as laser blasts started to come from the damaged doorway. Several ships started to land, and the doors opened, revealing ten stormtrooper squadrons. The Jedi leaped to the front of the group, deflecting bolts right and left. Padmé ran to the back and led the Rebels through the forest, back to the base. Once there, she met with Luke, Han, and Emmett in the _Emmett HQ_ to make a game plan. "I think the Empire found out that we figured out a way to uncorrupt people, and they've sent in their own minions to do the job. We should have seen this coming."

"We need to see if they're possessed, first," Luke argued. "I mean, not the stormtroopers, but the weird dudes. They seemed pretty robotic, like they were puppets being controlled. Everyone should get a chance. We should get a wizard in there, have him whack a few rocks on their heads, then we can destroy them if they aren't possessed. We need to do it as fast as possible. I think that they were just scouting out the area. They must have stopped broadcasting their location to any network in order to catch us off guard, since they know that we've hacked into their ship location database, but they're too dumb to lock us out of the system. If we wait too long, they'll actually come up with a brilliant plan to turn on their locators, and then the whole Empire will be after us."

"One problem," grumbled Han. "Gravybutt was experimenting the other day, and he figured out that they can only summon a rock up to five yards away from them. For a wizard to try and uncorrupt someone, they will need to get really close, but the troopers are holding the line back with their firing, and we can't reach them easily. They're protecting the two weird dudes."

Padmé thought. "How about the Mixels lead a charge and break the wizards a path? It could be, like, their way to gain entrance into the Rebellion. They seem to be good fighters, and you Jedi can protect them if they start to lose ground. What's to lose?"

Emmett considered this. "Yeah, I think that's fair. They'll have a chance to prove themselves, which they would need anyway. Head back out there and tell the Mixels that they're up."

Padmé dashed out to the battlefield, where the Mixels were standing timidly in the back of the formation. "Hey, guys. We decided that you're going to lead a charge to the ship that the weird dudes have. Don't worry, if you start to lose ground, the Jedi will help. Do you know how to fight?"

Niksput looked confused. "When I fight, can I eat storm-troop-ers? I'm good at that, but I can't fight…" He waved his tiny arms to prove his point.

Smiling, Padmé assured him that anything that put stormtroopers out of action was sufficient. Niksput tried to ask another question, but a blaster bolt hit him in his back. Instead of falling, he turned around, screamed at the stormtroopers, and charged for them, knocking half of a squadron over and eating most of the others. Tungster stuck troopers onto his tongue and slingshotted them away toward the Alfreds, who beat them up with their superpowers. Snoof blasted people with his ice propellers, blasting them right into the Jedi's lightsabers. Then, the three Mixels lined up and yelled, "CHARGE!"

In a very short amount of time, there was a clear path to the original Imperial ship, and the Mixels were holding their own very well. This helped assure Padmé that they could defeat the stormtroopers without her assistance. Leaving the Mixels to clean up any remaining troopers, Padmé ran forward and blasted the guards just inside of the door of the ship, but she saw that the two weird people were about to flip a lever that would broadcast their location. Padmé shouted an obscenity at the two dudes, and they looked up, confused that someone had broken through to their ship. That was enough time for Gravybutt to dash into the ship, summoning two rocks and smashing them onto the weird dude's heads. The rocks disappeared, implying that the two dudes had indeed been corrupted by the Imperials. They fell down, and got back up, staring at each other in confusion. Clearly, they had been corrupted unawares, as they didn't even seem to realize that they were with Imperials.

"Howard?" one of them finally asked. He was wearing a Rebel pilot suit, and was looking confusedly toward the other weird dude. "Where are we? This is weird. I thought that we were having a potato eating contest."

Howard was confuzzled as well. "I agree, Dak. We were on a weird ship, and we baked potatoes and tried to see who could eat the most." He suddenly noticed Padmé and Gravybutt staring at him. "Oh. Hello. Forgive my memory, but I have no idea who you guys are. No offense."

Luke walked in, and was surprised when he got a good look at the dude in the pilot suit. "Dak? I thought you died on Hoth! Of course, a lot of people who seemed dead aren't dead, but still! How did you survive?"

Dak looked happy to see Luke, but also confused. "I just jumped out and hid in the snow. This dude, Howard, found me, and we escaped on an Imperial ship. After getting off Hoth, we world-jumped for a long time. We were on another Imperial ship, and we found some potatoes. We baked them, had a competition, and we were fighting over who got to eat the last one, and then we suddenly appeared here. Don't ask me any more."

Padmé started to put the pieces together. "I think that once the Imperials realized that we had found a way to uncorrupt each other, they decided to send you two in, and hope that we were caught off guard. They probably didn't expect for us to realize that you two were possessed, too. Sorry, but you'll probably be watched by the Imperials now that you've been associated with us. To be safest, you should join the Rebellion. Are you okay with that?"

Howard shrugged. "As long as there's someone who can build us a cool ship, we're cool with that. Hey, is that a double decker couch over there? Can we use it in a cool ship?"

As Emmett walked off to build Dak and Howard's ship, Padmé walked over to the Mixels. "Guys, you were GREAT today! I'm really proud of all of you, and I think the rest of the Rebellion is, too. I think it's official that you're a part of the Rebellion!"

The Mixels cheered and started celebrating. Niksput lifted Snoof up and brought him high into the air, so Snoof could see the stars, while Tungster rocketed back and forth across the sky. Padmé was glad to see that they were enjoying the Rebellion. The rest of the Rebels started a campfire, putting a tarp over it to protect from random dudes falling onto it, and roasted some marshmallows. The Alfreds started dancing with the Mixels, and Little Timmy grew until he could play with Niksput and Snoof in the sky. Life was great.

At least, life was great until Dak and Howard came running up. "Guys, Emmett's finished with our ship! There's part of the Imp's ship, and the double decker couch is included! It's big enough for a lot of random people, like Bizness! We'll make it into a business, and the ship will be our main headquarters. It'll have the same name as our company. We're gonna call it the… Dak&HowardShip, INCORPORATED!" They danced around, falling on the tarp, yelling "The Dak&HowardShip, INCORPORATED!" and driving everyone crazy with their stupid song. Padmé sighed. Good times couldn't last forever.

* * *

 **...**

 **Remind me why I thought this was a good idea?**

 **Oh wait, no one's actually read this.**

 **Well, I'll continue, I guess. Next chapter is a mission to scary Scariff! And I take the idea of "decoys" to a whole new level!**

 **~Horseluv**


	10. Chapter 10: Scarif is Scary

**Chapter 10, my longest yet! Hopefully someone actually sees this...**

 **I haven't been updating my stories as often, because I've gone into a 'reading' phase, rather than 'writing'. And I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update once school starts, but I might have more incentive to write. Who knows?**

 **Anyway, Fred, it's your turn to break the 4th wall.**

 **Fred: But I'm already gonna break the 4th wall in this chapter!**

 **Me: I really don't care, just go ahead and disclaim my story.**

 **Fred: She doesn't own anything except for me, Octavius, all the Alfreds, Howard, Jack, DAD...**

 **Me: Fred**

 **Fred: Box... Dragomir... Gravybutt...**

 **Me: FRED**

 **Fred: Fine**

 **Fred: She doesn't own anything you recognize from any franchise, but she owns OCs and spaceships**

 **Me: Thank you**

 **Octavius: great job, fred!**

 **Me: why must you always use exclamation points**

 **Octavius: it's fun!**

 **Me: who cares, onto the story!**

* * *

"Mission REPORT!" yelled Emmett over the intercom. He was apparently really getting into the role of team leader, although right now he was trying to sound like a general.

Fred sighed. "Scarif in sight. Initializing landing procedures, Emmett."

"That's HIGH GENERAL OF THE REBELLION Emmett to you!" Emmett yelled back. "Ha ha, just kidding. We don't really HAVE ranks. Anyway, CONTINUE!" The speaker shut down.

"Are we really going on a field trip to SCARIF?!" shouted Octavius. "I mean, like, people DIED here! That's REALLY dark!"

Fred banged his head on the steering panel of the Alfred ship. "That's sort of the point, Octavius. We want to see what we're fighting for. At least, we do, the Alfreds do, Emmett, Luke and Han do, and Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ezra do. Also, can everyone just stop talking in capital letters? It's really annoying."

"You mean that it's REALLY annoying!" answered Octavius. When Fred glared at him, he shook his head. "Sorry, bro! I feel you, really! I just couldn't resist!"

The speaker crackled to life once again, and Anakin's voice came over the intercom. "Okay, there's two points I have to bring up. First, talking in capital letters is officially annoying, as well as illegal for some reason, and Fred already asked you to stop, Octavius. Just stop, bruh. Secondly, we don't even know if all the people from the Rogue One mission actually died. I mean, look at me, look at Padmé, look at Obi-Wan, look at Dak. I don't know if we should believe what we've been told. Just keep the Alfreds from roaming too far, and follow orders."

Ezra responded, sounding bored. "Yeah, but how would the Rogue One peeps have escaped the planet without anyone seeing them? General Syndulla told me that all the ships on the surface were destroyed. If they survived, they're still there somewhere. Imperial forces left the planet a while ago, but how could they survive for this long?"

"I want to be a general…" Emmett murmured dejectedly.

Alfred shrugged, ignoring the leader of the Rebellion. "Time weird. Remember? Anakin not much older than Luke. Anakin Luke's dad. Obi-Wan have no gray hair. Obi-Wan old. Emmett kid in real life, but grown-up in movie and girlfriend amount. What going on?"

"Did you just call me _old_?" inquired Obi-Wan.

"I agree, Alfred," Han admitted. "I mean, I don't agree that Obi-Wan is _old_ , it's just… time is so weird, I don't know what to expect next. It's like someone is writing a story, and wants their favorite characters in it so bad that they just slam everyone together without good reasons. It would be hard to believe that anyone could have survived that explosion from the Death Star, but it was hard to believe that Anakin's body parts getting cut off was actually a decoy doing the whole thing to ruin Anakin's rep. There's too much to think about, and I don't want to think about it right now. Honestly, I just want to have a nice field trip without any explosions, Imperials, undead people, or spider bites. Is that so much to ask?"

Fred sighed. For once, could everyone just be serious? He wasn't asking too much, just a little bit of actual sincerity. Even the Alfreds, his best friends, were always joking around, never taking anything seriously. People had to shape up.

(If you have been paying any attention to this story, then you know that no one really takes anything seriously, and if they do, they go back to their old ways very soon. Don't bother, Fred. No one in this story really cares about "seriousness", because it sounds too much like Siri, and everyone in the story hates Siri.)

As the Rebels landed, Fred took a look at their surroundings. The beach had once been beautiful, with a fringe of palm trees and ferns, but now it was reduced to rubble, still smoking in some places. Two palm trees were still standing, burnt to a crisp. They stood alone in the desolated landscape, two pillars that survived the destruction.

Ezra whistled. "Do you still doubt that the Death Star struck here, Han? I think the proof is standing in front of you."

"Actually, it's behind you," answered a voice behind them. The Rebels turned to see a young woman aiming a rocket launcher at them. Behind her, a young man and a fuzzy alien aimed their rifles at the small group of Rebels. "Hands up. Why did you come here?"

Fred put his hands up and shrugged. "Field trip. How about you? You don't seem like you want to stay here much longer yourselves."

"You can say that again," the young woman agreed. Her eyes seemed to soften, just a bit. They hardened again in an instant, and she resumed aiming her rocket launcher. "Are you Rebels, or should I blast you?"

"Woah, woah, woah, we're Rebels!" Octavius answered for the group.

"Who you be?" asked Alfreddy. "Why here? Not good place for vacation."

The man sighed. "I'm Cassian Andor, this is Jyn Erso, and this fuzzy dude is Bistan. We were here to steal the Death Star plans, blow up the Imperial bases on the surface, and escape. Not on vacation, to answer Yellow Dude's question. The first mission went well, but not the last two. The main base is down, but three more are scattered around this area. All the ships were defueled, and the fuel was immediately transferred to the base, which got blown up. Most of the ships were destroyed, so we can't really escape. We have one ship that we managed to salvage, but we still need some fuel, and explosives wouldn't be bad, either."

Fred was confused. "According to, I don't know, the whole world, you guys all died like five years ago. I mean, I'm not saying I'm mad that you're alive, but how did you survive?"

Jyn lowered her rocket launcher. "I think that my Kaiber crystal put up a force field around us, but the crystal itself shattered in the process. We didn't tell anyone at Command about this, so they spread the 'facts' that all of us on the surface were killed, so that no one would come after us. We were pretty sure that the Rebels had been infiltrated, so we knew that it wasn't safe to tell anyone that we had survived, if we wanted the Imperials to ruin our plans of blowing up their bases. Honestly, it only feels like we've been here five months."

Anakin shrugged. "Time's weird. Don't dwell on it, or you'll go crazy. You want us to fuel your ship and provide you with explosives? We could help you blow up the Imperial bases. Wait 'till the rest of the Rebels hear what we did today!"

"Some fuel and explosives would really help," admitted Jyn. "You can help if you want, but don't feel obliged. Thanks for the help."

Naturally, all the Rebels volunteered to help blow up the Imperial bases. The Jedi ignited their lightsabers, the Alfreds unleashed their powers, Emmett pulled out his laser swords, and Fred and Octavius pulled out heavy-duty blasters. They took some fuel out of their ships, fueling Cassian and Jyn's U-Wing. Explosives were pulled out and primed, and the Rebels took off, heading for their first target, twenty kilometers south.

Fred radioed the rest of the Rebels. "Hello, Star Command, this is Fred. We got a little more than we bargained for on Scarif and—"

"Did you find DEAD BODIES?" yelled Benny into the comm. "Sausage! I TOLD you that you shouldn't have gone to SCARIF, because it's SCARY!"

Fred sighed. "How have you gotten that dark, Benny? And please, lay off the puns. No, we found alive people, and we're going to blow some stuff up. Get the base ready for a big ship, alright? By the way, can you PLEASE stop talking in capital letters?"

President Bizness answered, "Wow. Sometimes, people are just hypocritical. We will inform the Rebels that a big ship will be arriving. By the way, should we buy marshmallows when we get a chance? We have been using them at an astonishing rate. Can you also tell Han that Benny just covered his Commander base with cheese?"

Fred sighed. "That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, great, I have no idea, and I'll tell Han that you guys wrecked his base again. Now, we're about to start blowing stuff up, so bye!" As he hung up, he sighed. Could anyone take anything seriously?

Soon, the Rebels had arrived at the first base. Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ezra, and Cassian switched on autopilot and leaped out of their ships, landing in the courtyard of the castle-like fortress. Fred watched on the sensors as they entered the left corridor and started navigating the maze-like passageways. Fred gave some directions as they penetrated deeper into the fortress. "Take a left. Right. Now, straight for the next two intersections. Left. No, your other left! Don't be a Dory! There you go. Left. Right. Take the ramp down, and… there you are. The middle of the base."

The sensors showed a cavernous room, filled with barrels of oil. The four started planting the primed explosives, the Jedi flipping up to the top catwalks, while Cassian loaded the floor with the explosives. Soon, the room had been filled with bombs, enough to severely weaken the base and set the oil on fire. The base would start to collapse, along with all of the Imperial's supplies. Cassian started a two-minute timer on the bombs, and the four ran out, following the path that Fred laid out for them. Just as they reached the final door, they caught sight of an unwelcome guest; a squad of battle droids.

"Oh, come on!" whined Anakin. "Battle droids ruin everything, even my movies!"

The defective droids, apparently taking offense at this insult, opened fire on the four fighters, but they couldn't predict what happened next. Obi-Wan tossed his lightsaber, and it arched through the squadron, slicing down droids by the dozens. Ezra pulled his lightsaber, but instead of igniting it, he shot several energy blasts toward the droids. Cassian opened up fire, as Anakin Force-pushed the remainder of the droids into a tiny storage room, crushing them into a tiny ball of scrap metal. They ran outside and jumped into their waiting ships, and blasted off, just as the base started to quake from the force of the explosions.

At the second base, Luke, Han, and Emmett jumped out with Bistan, and started slashing their way through several bunker doors. Bistan wasn't a big talker, but he sure was a big blaster. This base was organized as a huge tower, so Fred advised Luke and Han to jump down into the basement while Emmett located the support columns.

Luke and Han planted explosives on the beams that Emmett told them, but as they continued along the base of the structure, Fred picked up a strange signal. "Ground Crew, this is Airborne. Ground Crew, come in. We're picking up readings of troopers in the base. They aren't aware of your presence, but they are headed your way. This is supposed to be a hit and run mission, hurry up!"

"Too late for that, Airborne," answered Han, as he kicked the first trooper to the ground. "Found two squads of troopers in the base. Engaging now."

"No, no!" yelled Fred. "Escape, finish with the explosives, and get out of there!"

Octavius patted Fred on the arm. "Fred, you know you can't control them! Calm down, and let them do their thing! They're great fighters, don't worry!"

Sounds of battle could be heard over the comms. Even though Han and Luke were refraining from using their lightsabers, they knocked down trooper after trooper. Han punched one in the jaw, then swung around with a roundhouse kick, knocking out one who had tried to sneak up on him. Luke ran up to the wall, and used it as a kickoff point for him to flip over, deserting the troopers following him. The dudes ran smack into a wall, knocking themselves out. Bistan guarded Emmett fiercely, blasting anyone within a ten-foot radius of the duo. Emmett, meanwhile, was continuing to plant explosives on the supporting columns, working as fast as his claw hands would let him.

Finally, Emmett pushed down the last explosive, turned it, and set on a receiver. "I'm done, guys! Let's get out of here!" The foursome dashed out the way they came, and once they were several hundred yards out, the other ships lowered, allowing them to jump on. As soon as they were safe, Emmett pressed a big red button.

The whole Imperial building, with all the troops in it shuddered and crashed to the ground.

"Aw, yeah!" yelled Han. "I forgot how much I love to BLOW STUFF UP!"

"Letters!" replied Fred.

The final Imperial base appeared before the squadron. Fred, Octavius, the Alfreds, and Jyn jumped to the ground in front of the huge converted strip mine. As the group approached the gate, lasers activated, searing the ground right in front of the group. The group stumbled back, barely evading the first volley of deadly beams. Before Fred, Octavius, or Jyn could do anything, the Alfreds leaped into action. Alfrank called out to the Alfreds, helping them to dodge unseen lasers. Little Timmy rose up and destroyed the motion sensor that had activated the trap, while Alfred, Alfreya, and Alfreddy smashed the laser emitters. Alfrella used her poison to burn through the doorway in an instant. After reverting back to normal, the Alfreds ran through, cheering and high-fiving each other.

"Oh, come on! I wanted to bust out my rocket launcher!" grumbled Jyn. "Can't those little guys do something else? It's probably dangerous for them here. Honestly? They have the brainpower of little kids. Should we get them to stop?"

Fred shook his head. "At this point? They're way too excited. I know the Alfreds better than you. You'd have to force them to stop destroying stuff now."

"They're just little yellow cubes now! They're in a lot of danger, and they might just make the mission more complicated. The normal Alfreds can't say no to me. I can convince them," stated Jyn dismissively.

Octavius smirked. "And what if… the other guys say no?!"

Instead of answering, Jyn ran into the main tunnel of the base, and Fred and Octavius struggled to keep up with her. The tunnel sloped slowly downward, and the three caught up to the Alfreds, who were deactivating defense after defense. As they got deeper, the traps only grew easier to dismantle. Soon, the group barely even had to stop running at each system. Jyn and Octavius were happy about this, but Fred was suspicious. If they were getting closer to the prize, where the valuables would be stored, wouldn't the traps become harder to dismantle instead of easier?

After several minutes of this race, the group stopped for a breather. Fred didn't want to discourage his team, but he had to outline his misgivings. "Guys, don't you think that the traps should be getting harder instead of easier? I mean, if we're hypothetically getting closer to the gem storage, wouldn't the traps be more powerful? In the other bases, the groups were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Here, the traps seem to be ready for us."

Octavius shrugged. "I don't see that, Fred! Wouldn't they put the hardest traps at the front, so that people could be stopped as soon as possible?"

Jyn shook her head. "Fred is right. If people got past the first traps, the Imperial would want their harder, more expensive traps to catch them. They would put an easy trap first, and if people got past that, they would be captured by a harder system, and it wouldn't cost as much to repair the first defense. Which means;"

"It's a trap," sighed Fred. "This whole thing is one big one."

Just as Fred made this ominous statement, the whirring sound of squadrons being activated filled the corridor. Ten large, armored droids approached the group of Rebels. Laser cannons mounted on their shoulders started blasting away, while small targeting missiles zoomed toward the intruders. The droids pulled out swords, which they used to deflect the blaster bolts that Fred, Octavius, Jyn, and Alfreya shot their way. Little Timmy tried to grow to smash the robots, but he only grew more vulnerable for their laser cannons. He was knocked down by the laser bolts, unharmed but dazed. While Alfrank tried to move Little Timmy out of the way, Alfrella jumped on the swords of the droids, only to be shoved against the wall, her poison having no effect. Alfreddy launched spears at the droids, but they had no effect against the armored machines. As the Alfreds tried valiantly to get through the droids, the group was pushed back, until they were backed against the end of the long hallway.

Fred looked around desperately. There were no side corridors, and the droids blocked off all means of escape. They were outgunned, outnumbered, and had no plan except try to bash the droids, which was clearly not working. Why couldn't a Jedi have come with them? Fred kept blasting, but he knew that no regular old blasters, like his, stood a chance. They needed a new plan, and fast. As Fred kept blasting, and the droids kept deflecting with their swords, he got an idea. A crazy idea, of course, but an idea.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" yelled Fred. The blast of sound seemed to throw the droids off guard. Fred leaped forward, using Alfrank's hat as a springboard. He landed on the arm of a droid, and the other droids aimed and fired their lasers, all at once. Fred, however, was already gone. He was on the ground now, pulling the sword out of the destroyed droid's hand. He slashed another droid's arm clean off, gaining another sword. He jumped forward, slamming holes into the chests of the other eight droids, leaving clear spots for Jyn and Octavius to blast. Alfred landed on the head of a droid, using it as a vantage point to hit more with spells. Soon, the floor was covered with the rubble of smashed droids.

"Nice one, Fred!" yelled Octavius. "Snazzy swords! I wish I had some!"

Fred smiled. "Only I'm cool enough to have these swords, Octavius!"

Octavius frowned. "You need to work on your jokes, dude!"

"That wasn't a joke, dude!"

"Dude!"

"Dude."

Jyn sighed in exasperation. "Sorry to interrupt your bromance, but we still have an Imperial base to blow up. Do your stupid weapons thing later. Can Timmy walk?"

Little Timmy stood up, and shrank down to a normal size. "I okay. Time to make base go boom boom!"

Soon, the TNT was primed and ready to go. Fred rigged up a remote launch procedure, and the group of Rebels ran back down the long hallway. As the Rebels jumped into the waiting ships, Fred punched the button. "Bye, Imp base. I'll not miss you!"

Octavius smiled. "This day will go down in history, as the first day that Fred Ultra ever said something even remotely funny!"

As the base exploded, the Rebels took off and flew into formation. Jyn, Cassian, and Bistan joined them. When Emmett offered to let them into the Rebellion, the three agreed. Everyone was happy. Life was great.

Emmett, however, had one more statement to make. "Okay, guys! We need to take one more vote. All in favor of more field trips to Scarif, say Yay! All in favor of never going back to Scarif, say Nay!"

No! thought Fred. Life would suck for all eternity if they went back to Scarif, since everything was so boring now.

Apparently, everyone else thought the same thing.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" everyone yelled.

"Whip!" shouted Benny over the intercom.

Han shrugged. "It's unanimous, then. Benny, you say 'whip' before 'nay nay', not after. And for gosh sakes, watch your letters."

* * *

 **People hate capital letters so much, they're willing to break the 4th wall for it.**

 **Anyway, next chapter will make you feel completely trippy, as it involves portals, and long, drawn-out discussions about the multiverse. And to what end? Why must I torture you with the next chapter?**

 **Find out next chapter!**

 **~Horseluv**


	11. Chapter 11: Multiverse Mindwarp

**Here is the ultimate brain-ache chapter! I'm trying to explain everything, but it doesn't work that well...**

 **Includes origin revealing, Emmett making references that no one understands, and my explanation of how Emmett's earth never realized that the Star Wars galaxy is real (expect for George Lucas and Box).**

 **Octavius?**

 **Octavius: She doesn't own anyone, anywhere, or anything you recognize!**

 **Me: THANK YOU FOR BEING CONSIDORATE**

 **Octavius: Wow, there's a lot of references in this chapter!**

 **Me: Thank you, Captain Obvious, now...**

 **Octavius: There's another Star Wars reference, Hamilton, Harry Potter, Minecraft...!**

 **Me: SHUT UP**

 **Dragomir: Silencio (I'm not sure if it's a real spell or not but oh well)**

 **Me: THANK YOU now on to the story!**

* * *

"Expelliarmus!" Gravybutt shouted. A jet of green light shot toward Dragomir.

Dragomir focused his thoughts. _Protego!_ An unseen force repelled Gravybutt's spell, where it "accidently" hit Han, who was preparing the _Kestrel_ for the night, in the backside. He yelped in pain and surprise as his wrench flew out of his hand, whacking Bizness in the face. Han gave the two wizards a dirty look.

"Nice one, Dragomir!" exclaimed Gravybutt. For Han's benefit, he added, "By the way, was it your intention to hit Han squarely in the butt?"

Han shrugged, thinking that it was merely a clumsy accident. He turned away from the wizards and stopped listening in, which was just what Dragomir wanted.

Dragomir smiled. "Perfect, Gravybutt! You remembered everything I taught you this morning! We're acting as a perfect team. Do you remember the benefits of this form of attack? And can you tell me why I'm the one that is casting Protego?"

"By ricocheting our spells off each other, we can catch our enemies completely by surprise, even more so than when we just use nonverbal spells," recited Gravybutt. "They won't be worried about us when we aren't aiming at them, but we can still hit them. You are casting Protego because you've had more experience, and while I only aim the spell, you also need to cast at the exact millisecond to make sure that the spell hits the target accurately."

"Good job!" exclaimed Dragomir. "Now, we're going to do this again. This time, I want you to perform your spell non-verbally as well. Remember, perfect movement synchronization. Who should we aim for this time? Luke? Emmett? Benny?"

Just as the wizards were preparing to go through another round, a burst of light exploded in the middle of the Rebel base. The blast flattened all the grass around it, and sent waves rippling off the shore. The ships that were floating on the ocean bobbed up and down like corks, and water rolled over the hulls of each ship. Benny, who had been sitting on the _BennyRen_ before being thrown off balance by the blast, toppled straight into the water, while Unikitty had to grab desperately onto Bobiosa to avoid falling off of the _Kestrel_. Jyn was about to fall into the water as well, but she used her rocket launcher to propel herself back onto her U-Wing. Alfred was not so lucky; his fall was broken not by a rocket launcher but by Niksput, who started careening through the air, crashing into utility poles. The people on land ships were also affected by the blast. Bizness, despite being recently smacked on the head by a wrench, still managed to keep his balance better than Dak and Howard, who were stumbling around like drunken sailors until they finally fell.

Luke managed to keep his balance, but the tablet Emmett had made him flew out of his hand, across the circle of ships, and into the water, where it immediately fizzled and died. "NO!" he screamed. "I was JUST about to do the ULTIMATE prank on Han in Commander, and that stupid light blast RUINED it!"

Anakin sighed. "First of all, LETTERS! Second of all, what was that burst of light anyway? I couldn't feel anything unnatural within it, yet it was completely unnatural. It feels like… nothing. Any event that big, that close, and a Jedi should be able to feel it. Especially me."

The burst was now reduced to a small bulb of light, hanging in the air like a bubble. After everyone sorted themselves out, they stared at the bulb of light. Benny tried to grab the shining ball, but once his hand touched it, he froze. Bizness pushed him down, and Benny looked up at the group, unfortunately unfrozen. "It feels tingly!" he informed the group. "Sort of like how… my mouth feels when I eat grass!"

"Dude, you eat grass?" asked Dak. "Wow. I thought Howard was the weirdest person I have ever met… but you just might be the weirdest."

Dragomir became suspicious, and not because of Benny's weird taste buds. "That blast… it seemed magical in origin. The blast had no permanent side effects and it didn't seem to come from an entity. I mean, it's hard for Jedi to sense spells because they come from wands, not actual entities, right? Han couldn't sense it when we aimed Expelliarmus at him."

Han glared at the wizards. "You meant to do that? Why does everyone gang up against me?"

Emmett patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, Han. In my galaxy, you're probably the most famous Star Wars character like ever. Plus, Star Wars is extremely famous, maybe even more so than like Harry Potter or Hamilton. They're probably just jealous." Turning to the wizards, he asked, "So, do you have any idea where that burst of light came from?"

Dragomir snapped his fingers. "Other galaxy… That light was probably extra-dimensional. From an alternate reality so far, only magic can transport people between there and here. Maybe a magic relic did it or something."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, time out," Luke exclaimed, holding his hands up. "When did you become an expert on extradimensional travel?"

Gravybutt shrugged. "How do you think we got here?"

Most of the other people didn't understand, but Emmett and the rest of the normal Lego universe people did. "You mean… all the different realities are real?" asked Wildstyle. "The normal Earth galaxy and the Star Wars galaxy, they're like in the same universe, it seems. But… other universes, like Harry Potter? Or Hamilton? Is that really possible? Remember, both Emmett and the rest of us Lego people just came on special ships. We didn't do any extra-whatchacallit. Just because we're here doesn't mean that there's lots of dimensions."

Kylo shrugged. "If, let's say Emmett's galaxy and Han's galaxy really do coexist, why have no Force users been born in Emmett's world? I get that not a lot would be born, but… out of seven billion people on the planet now, and hundreds of billions who have lived before, not one case? No scientists finding evidence of a mysterious energy field, while here even non-Force users have documented the Force for ages?"

Dragomir nodded. "I agree, Kylo. The Star Wars universe… it does have similar people to Earth, which means they're semi-parallel. People act the same, and governments work in similar ways. We can't forget Han's uncanny resemblance to Harrison Ford. That, and the huge relationship between the two realities, like how events in one universe can be documented in the other, means that in the grand scheme of things they're really close together. Since the realities are so close together… you could sort of world-hop without a lot of energy, or causing a big disruption."

Leia frowned. "In that case, how did you and Gravybutt get here, if you didn't come from either reality originally?"

Dragomir shrugged. "Our universe is a little more separated from this one. If you think of the universes as a chain, Emmett's and Han's realities are directly linked. We're one of the links that shoots off of Emmett's galaxy; we're not directly linked to yours. We can prove that because not one of you Star Wars people have heard of Harry Potter. Shame on you."

"Or Hamilton! Even more shame!" added Emmett. Han glared at Emmett.

"Anyway, when we were in our dimension," continued Dragomir, "you couldn't see us, and we couldn't really see you. We found a special relic, though, that once we touched, seemed to transport us through a gateway dimension to here. Since the relic isn't an entity and doesn't access the Force, no Jedi can really sense it. It seemed like a burst of magic. Kind of like a temporary zipline. One-way, can't go back. We tried a couple times to reverse the spell, but we couldn't find a charm that could conjure one in the first place, so we were stuck here. That's when we built the _Dragon_ and led a vigilante life. We used our spells in public, but we didn't get in trouble. Until, that is, you came along.

"That flash of light reminds me of that light we found when we touched the relic. This time, whoever came through must be stuck between the folds of reality in the gateway dimension. Probably happens when something with a lot of mass that isn't capable of motion is pushed very far through reality. We need to free them!"

For the benefit of the Rebels without a degree in extra-dimensional magic, Gravybutt translated, "Emmett's and Han's universes are connected. Not ours and Han's. We found a magic unalive tablet that didn't use the Force, that zapped us here. Someone from a really backwater universe must have tried, intentionally or unintentionally, to transport a really massive object the same way, and they got stuck because it was too big. We need to save them."

This statement both made sense to the Rebels and motivated them. After a small debate, the group decided to select a small company that would attempt to rescue the trapped people. Dragomir and Gravybutt were the leaders, and Han, Anakin, Leia, Emmett, Luke, Ezra, and Jyn were elected to join the group. Personally, Dragomir didn't want to risk so many people. These people hadn't ever experienced interdimensional travel on this scale before. The experience was harrowing, messed with your mind. He wondered if there was any permanent side effect if you were in between realities for too long. In that case, the sooner they did this, the better.

The group of nine lined up in front of the little bulb of light. Dragomir and Gravybutt raised their wands, and without even a thought, the light started to grow stronger, feeding off of the wands' magic. Soon, it had expanded to a large enough size for a person to easily fit through. Dragomir could feel his wand becoming drained of its magic faster than it could be regenerated.

"If we let this thing feed off of our wands for too long, they could be permanently drained," warned Dragomir. "We need to save power for the return trip. Jump through while you can!"

Emmett was the first to leap through the portal. He entered one side, but was not seen exiting the doorway. He simply vanished in thin air. Han dashed through next, then Luke, Leia, Anakin, Jyn, and Ezra ran through as the portal began to shrink once again. Dragomir pushed Gravybutt through the gateway, then dove through himself as the portal was reduced to its original size.

Han frowned. "Are you sure that we can re-open the portal?"

Dragomir examined the small pin-prick of yellow light that was visible on this side of the portal. "I believe so. I think that it only closes once entities have passed through it to their destination. It should be unlocked until we get those trapped people out."

Emmett caught his breath. "Where are we?"

The landscape around them was desolate, as black as obsidian, mountainous, and completely rocky. The air was thick, almost like a blanket, and everything was still. How ironic that the doorway dimension was the only place that never moved, never shifted. Around them hovered billions of multicolored lights, just as small as the one behind them, stretching as far as the eye could see. When looking at them, you were sometimes aware of them, and sometimes aware of the space—and lights—behind them. Directly ahead of them, there was a huge cluster of lights. They thinned out systematically as they were further and further away from the center. The Rebel's light was reasonably close to this cluster, around a sub-cluster of lights. Dragomir guessed that the brightest light, in the center, was Emmett's galaxy. He wondered, if only for a moment, if he could find his own galaxy here, and go home.

Gazing around, Dragomir spotted a gray tower sticking up above the desolate landscape, directly through the biggest cluster. "Over there!" he called. "That must be where they are! Follow me!"

He walked toward the tower, which was not much further than half a mile away. The thick air was starting to make it hard to breathe. The ground seemed to drag at his feet, encouraging him to stop, to be still. If you weren't zapped straight through the eerie place, the dimension tried to stop you, to make you as still as the lights and the air. Dragomir pushed himself forward. The sooner they saved the trapped people, the sooner they could escape this dimension for good. He tried to keep the others concentrated, but close to the center of the lights, he let his guard down. Big mistake.

"Hey, look!" called Ezra. "This light is almost the same color as our light. What could it be?" He reached his hand out to touch it, just as Dragomir shouted a warning. The warning came too late.

As soon as Ezra's hand touched the light, he froze, just as Benny had earlier. His eyes reflected the yellow light, and the light itself expanded to a window-sized, pulsing sheet. The middle soon faded, forming a window. Through it, the group could see weird people, flying in space ships that looked like the _Millennium Falcon_ and Luke's old X-Wing. They resembled Luke, Leia, and Han, as well as fake old Obi-Wan. The weirdest thing about them, however, was their shape. They were rounded, were different heights, and had weird, split-apart hands. Their faces were angular, with strange growths that sprouted out from the middle of their heads. They didn't exactly look all that ugly; they were just very unusual.

Gravybutt rushed forward and pulled Ezra back. The motion unfroze Ezra, who rubbed his head and groaned, "Oww. Note to self: don't touch the lights."

Dragomir nodded. "I believe that the lights can open windows, and with enough power doors, to other worlds. Trying to get to a world where you don't belong or not being transported to takes much more power than one that you are from, or being transported to. If you touch a light, you're stuck until someone pulls you away, or the light absorbs enough power to summon an actual door. Don't touch any."

Soon, the number of lights around the group had drastically dropped. There were still millions upon millions, but they were scattered farther apart. The group reached the tower before long. The tower was the highest part of the structure that was now visible before them. It had thick, square walls, a barricaded wood door, and a little hut in the back. A small river was being continually formed, supplying a small farm with water. A well was next to the hut, and a cactus was situated next to the door. The most surprising aspect of the structure was the fact that it was completely surrounded in sand, which was evenly distributed around it. The sand itself was fused into blocks, at once both sandy and brickish. Han punched one of the sand blocks, and it popped out of its place and into his hand. He replaced it hurriedly.

"Hello?" called Dragomir. He slowly opened the door, and cautiously looked through. He was greeted by a dog, who looked up at them pitifully and whimpered. She was gray, with a long tail, short ears, and a red collar. The strange thing about the dog was that she was perfectly rectangular. Not one curve could be seen on her. The tail was simply a long rectangle, and even her eyes were small squares on the boxy face. Despite the weird perfection of her features, the dog was cute, and Dragomir bent down to pet it. The dog was soft, even though there was no apparent fur on her head.

"Hey, girl," Dragomir murmured. "I don't suppose that your owners are in this tower, huh? You alone could never activate the device. Since you have a less complicated mind, I guess that the slowness isn't affecting you… yet. Where are the people with you?"

The dog wagged her tail and walked off to the little hut, apparently inviting the group to follow her in. Dragomir, Han, and Luke edged into the dimly lit area, with the rest of the Rebels on their heels.

Inside were two people, a guy and a girl, as well as a skeleton, passed out in the tiny living space. The skeleton was wearing a helmet, and was carrying a bow with several arrows. The girl, who was lying on the bed, was wearing a chestplate, which partially covered her green shirt, brown pants, and red-orange hair. On the ground next to her was the guy, who had on a turquoise shirt, deep blue pants, and brown hair, which was covered by a helmet. The strangest thing about them was that, just like their dog, they were perfectly rectangular. Not a single part of them was bulging out from their flat features. Even the skeleton's bones were perfect rectangles, jutting out at right angles from a perfectly aligned spine. Remembering the people they had seen earlier from the window into the other dimension, Dragomir thought that they seemed to be the exact opposite of the rounded, varied figures, even though both were clearly human.

"Come on!" whispered Dragomir. "We need to find something that will get the building unstuck, and get it into our reality."

"I know that we have to do that, Dragomir," ventured Jyn, "but why don't we just get them back into their own universe? What if they didn't want to leave? We should give them a choice."

Dragomir sighed sadly. "If we did that… we would be messing with reality. You do not want to see that. We need to get them out before they are completely frozen by the time loop, and our universe is the only possible option right now."

Han, Leia, and Luke started to levitate the structure, as Gravybutt bound the structure together and Emmett kept the building stable. Soon, the little desert landscape was encased in a clear glass shell and equipped with rocket boosters, so it could travel through space. Dragomir coaxed the dog through the airlock and into the stone structure, as Jyn started to fire up the rockets from the tower in the front of the structure. The Jedi loosened their Force grasp on the new ship, and the group jumped through the airlock as Jyn activated the lateral rockets. Faster and faster, the desert landscape was propelled toward the original yellow light that the Rebels had passed through. As they were getting closer, however, Dragomir could feel himself getting sleepy. The dimension was finally taking its toll on the Rebels. Soon, they were fighting to stay awake. Dragomir and Gravybutt jumped down on the ground, fighting to open the portal, but Dragomir could tell something was wrong.

"Something's wrong!" yelled Dragomir to the Rebels. "There must be a problem since Emmett isn't part of the universe..." _or maybe I haven't accepted it myself_ he thought dejectedly.

The Jedi jumped off of the ship, clearly struggling with the hypnosis of the doorway dimension. Activating their lightsabers, they plunged them into the light, causing their weapons to sizzle and sear. Dragomir and Gravybutt sent blast after blast toward the light, but it refused to grow.

Dragomir was getting more and more desperate. He used stronger and stronger spells, until he was about to use Unforgivables. Then, he stopped and thought a moment.

 _This is my universe. There's no going back to our world now. I have Gravybutt, and he's all I need. He's my student—my protector—my best friend. I can go back here and be truly happy. I can!_

Dragomir let loose one final bolt, using all of his intent to get home, and the doorway expanded; finally, a breaking point was reached, and the desert landscape and all the Rebels were sucked through. Dragomir felt his ears pop and then;

The Rebels landed in the middle of the Rebel base, next to the desert landscape. Unfortunately, they had also landed right on top of the Rebel food booth. Dragomir had his foot on Benny's sausage. No time had passed at all since the portal had closed. Everyone was staring at the ten Rebels as they hurried to the new structure and opened the airlock. The dog was waiting for them, wagging her tail. She jumped on Dragomir and licked his face. "Hey, girl," whispered Dragomir. "Any chance your owners are awake?"

As the dog sat down to wait, the Rebels cautiously opened the gate to the hut, where they could clearly see that the three people were waking up. Now, their bodies looked normal, even though their heads were still square. The first one to fully recover, the skeleton, sat up and looked at them. "Oh. Hello. How are you?"

Dragomir shrugged. "I guess we'll see when the other two wake up. Until then, just stay where you are."

The skeleton narrowed his eyes somehow, even though he technically didn't have eyes. "Oh. I see where this is going. You don't trust us. Do you?"

Emmett shrugged. "Honestly, you haven't given us much reason to. We saved your lives, not the other way around. It's not necessarily that you're not good, it's just that you might not… share our interests, to say the least."

"Then start telling us!" demanded a new voice. Dragomir glanced up and realized that the girl was now awake, and was helping up the guy. She pulled out a sword from underneath the bed, and reached for two bows behind it. One bow was given to the guy, while the other was tossed over to the skeleton. The sword was pointed at the Rebels, and after a few awkward seconds, the guy and skeleton reluctantly nocked arrows and raised their bows as well.

"What do you want from us?" asked the girl. "What faction are you? Sparklez? Diamond Minecart? Longnose?"

Dragomir raised up his hands in a placating gesture. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. We aren't any fraction, or whatever you call it. As far as we can tell, you found something that transported you to a gateway dimension, while it was trying to get you here. The disturbance caused an explosion on our side, we went in and found your dog -"

"Pepsi?" The girl suddenly lost her fierce attitude as worry clouded her face. "Where is she? Is she okay?"

The dog—Pepsi—suddenly walked in, wagging her tail. She ran up to the girl and curled up next to her, whimpering happily. The girl softened, and when she looked up again, Dragomir could tell that she was less mistrustful. He continued with the story, and when he had finished, the girl sat down on the bed. The other two immediately lowered their bows and also sat down. Clearly, the girl was their leader. Sighing, she addressed the Rebels in front of her.

"Sorry about the whole pull-our-weapons-on-you shtick," she apologized. "Standard procedure. I'm Alex, and you've already met Pepsi. The guy is Steve, and the skeleton is Sculpius. On our world, we're divided into factions that control various sections of land. Our outpost is all we can control; the rest of the land around it is controlled by rivals. There's a civil war going on between some of the largest factions. They want more power, and will do almost anything to gain it. The land we controlled was on a river that borders two of the largest. Since we control part of the river, the other factions will do anything to get our little piece of land. It could be a strategic part of winning once and for all. We had to mine in order to be strong enough to control our post. While we were doing that, Steve found a relic not far under our base and touched it. That's the last I remember until now."

His suspicions confirmed, Dragomir nodded. "That relic was what sent you here, and what opened up the light on our side of the portal. In case you've been wondering, you're in the Star Wars galaxy now. We're in the Rebellion, and we fight against the Empire. Do you want to join?"

"Of course!" shouted Steve. "We can eat cookies and kick butt and do other awesome stuff! I can't believe we're actually doing this. Life is great!"

"No, life sucks!" Benny shouted.

Everyone asked him why life sucked.

"Because my sausage got squished!"

* * *

 **Oh, that ending is horrible... but I need to continue with the the "life is great and then it sucks" shtick I have going on, because it adds something.**

 **So, one more chapter, then I actually have to write another chapter that isn't pre-written! I am tired of this story, but I'm not going to abandon it! I want to be able to say that I've put as much effort as possible into my stories, and that doesn't mean abandoning them.**

 **Next chapter, the Rebels go shopping! Yeah, I've really run out of ideas by now...**

 **See ya next chapter!**

 **~Horseluv**


	12. Chapter 12: In the Town

**Another day, another chapter. No one cares about this story... even though this is my best chapter yet.**

 **Upcoming, a lot of hijinks, getting tangled up, and someone in the Rebellion with sense!**

 **Because, when you look at this world from within this world with sense, well...**

 **Dragomir?**

 **Dragomir: Yes, weird person who has no purpose?**

 **Me: Oh, come off it, I'm the author, now do I own you?**

 **Dragomir: You're a WHAT?**

 **Me: I thought that I established this**

 **Kylo: Sorry guys, these are our future selves talking about us, she doesn't own us unless we're OCs like me**

 **Me: Thank you Kylo**

* * *

Kylo opened the fridge and groaned. The ship he shared with Benny, the _BennyRen_ , had a huge fridge that was usually stocked with goodies. Today, however, it was unusually depleted. Kylo sighed, assuming that Benny must have had one of his eating sprees and forgot to refill the fridge. Whenever Benny was excited or worried, he started to stress eat. Kylo glanced outside, expecting to see his brother hoarding all of the marshmallows and candy bars, and preparing to scold him for eating junk food for breakfast and ignore the fact that he himself also ate junk food for breakfast.

Instead, Benny was merely playing Commander. At least, he was attempting to play Commander, while Jack completely wrecked him. As Kylo watched, he realized that they were low on food for normal reasons. Frowning, Kylo switched on his comm and called Emmett.

"Hey, Emmett. Listen, are you running low on food? Benny and I are."

"Let me check," Emmett replied. "Oh yeah, Wildstyle and I are running low on food too! I was thinking that maybe we should try to go to a Mon Calamari town to resupply. The last time we resupplied was Coruscant, and that was way too dangerous. A little town shouldn't be crawling with Imperials. I'll go announce it to the other Rebels!"

Inside, Kylo was a little frustrated. He was the one who had pointed out the problem in the first place, not Emmett. Why should Emmett get all the glory? Mostly, however, he was just glad that they wouldn't have to survive on baloney. Man, he hated baloney.

Half an hour later, a bunch of sleepy Rebels assembled in front of the ships. 12 of the Rebels (mostly normal-looking people who wouldn't arouse suspicions), had decided to go along to the town. All of them immediately piled into the _BennyRen_ , which was built for only about 5 people. Kylo sighed, and quickly set the controls to _Ground Transport_ , and the ship lumbered toward the town, weighed down by the amount of Rebels on board.

Wait, why was the ship so weighed down by 12 people? It sounded like silly information in a fanfiction that would get really important later on.

Three hours later, the Rebels arrived at a small town. Kylo checked the onboard clock; it was already mid-morning. The _BennyRen_ definitely wasn't made for 12 people, and Kylo made a mental note to enforce that rule in the future. With too many people, the ship was far too slow, especially for a quick escape. Looking at the Rebels, who were wearing mismatched clothing and pushing each other around, Kylo could see that any smart Imperial would become suspicious of the large group. With such an overcrowded ship, not to mention all the supplies, it was doubtful that they would be able to escape without leading the Imps to their base. Kylo voiced his concerns to Han, but Han just waved him off.

"Don't stress, Kylo. Chances are that there are no Imps here, since this town is so small. Not a lot of unhappy natives, just colonizers who are fine with the Empire, so no stormtroopers are necessary. If there are Imperials here, they'll be much too dumb to suspect a bunch of weirdos as being Rebels. We'll outnumber them anyway. Calm down."

Kylo frowned. "Don't you think that you're underestimating the Imperials just a bit…"

Han was already gone, waiting in line at a cotton candy stand.

Kylo shrugged. He was honestly tired of the Rebellion being so ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as Adam West Batman. (Emmett liked showing people funny videos that he had on his Earth hard drive, and this was one of the most common.) For once, he just wished that someone would actually be serious and consider the threat that the Empire actually posed to freedom. They weren't all a bumbling bunch of bozos. Sure, about 90% of them were, but considering the sheer number of the Empire's troops, it wasn't a stretch to at least worry about the threat that they were posing. Emmett, Han, and Luke thought that they would always be better than the Imps and completely wreck them easily. Kylo knew that sometimes, just sometimes, they had to take the enemy for what they were—an actual threat.

The Rebellion felt too much like a convoluted story sometimes.

"Kylo! Over here!" Benny yelled exuberantly. "They have cotton candy!"

Kylo debated his course of action, then walked over to Benny. Still, the Empire was about 90% stupid. What were the chances that, out of the twenty troopers they had seen, one was actually smart?

A couple hours later, Kylo was relaxing. So far, all of the troopers seemed to be complete dumbos, as the Rebels swarmed through the town, buying anything and everything they liked. Dak and Howard bought coffee cups plastered with Emmett's face (being a fictional movie star can have some drawbacks), which they shoved in Emmett's face, screaming with laughter. Further credit to the Imperials for being so stupid that they didn't recognize Emmett. Emmett blushed and muttered something about copyrighting his face while the rest of the Rebels started to laugh. They stopped laughing, however, when Dak and Howard bought a lot of plain mugs and plastered stickers of all the other Rebel's faces on it. Instead of laughing, the Rebels now demanded where they had gotten the stickers. Dak and Howard pointed to a Print-Your-Own-Stickers stand, and explained that they had uploaded photos of all of the Rebel's faces. The Rebels were angry, but then decided to get more mugs and make a 'special' cup for everyone in the Rebellion. At the very least, they could humiliate the other Rebels as much as they had just been humiliated.

Ezra soon raided an ice cream store run by two stormtroopers. Kylo thought that this was a risky move, but the troopers didn't notice a thing, not even when Ezra stole their belts and their pink underwear was revealed for all to see. For a while, Kylo had to stand guard over the store, telling new customers not to snicker too much. Or, for that matter, laugh their faces off. Again, risky move, but nothing bad seemed to happen. Why did it always feel like life was convoluted fanfiction?

Kylo watched as the Rebels bustled around. As Obi-Wan and Anakin bought tons of food for the Rebels, Luke got air fresheners. Don't ask why. Han bought everyone some fireworks (Kylo wasn't sure how they were going to set those off without Imperial interference), and Emmett grabbed about fifty bags of marshmallows. The Rebellion wouldn't run out of s'mores supplies any time soon. Benny found a teddy bear in a store, and the derpy spaceman just wouldn't take no for an answer. Jyn and Cassian snuck into a camping store, securing lighters, matches, orange flashlights, black raincoats, and silver sleeping bags. Fred got a lot of candy for the Alfreds and Mixels, while Dragomir found some derpy hats. Leia and Padmé went into a clothing store, and they walked out, two hours later, with new outfits for everyone in the Rebellion. So, about 40 outfits. Honestly, pretty normal.

Kylo glanced around, noticing that the sun was sinking in the sky. People were no longer going into the ice cream store, and Kylo left his post with a grateful sigh. The locals started to retreat into their houses, which struck Kylo as odd. The evening was still warm, and the air contained a perfect amount of moisture. What was the matter? Kylo was about to investigate when he heard Emmett calling out to the Rebels.

"Guys!" he shouted. "Over here! I found an awesome place!" Kylo grumbled, but he followed the leader's voice until he was standing in front of a huge, glowing store. The sign read _Electronics For All_. Kylo shrugged. What was the big deal? Emmett had built a couple tablets for people to share, and they worked well enough.

Emmett, however, soon shot down these assumptions. "The tablets I made have almost no storage, so you can't get anything besides one app, and I don't know how to build a proper Wi-Fi router. We need some headphones, computers, and who can say no to TVs? This store has it all."

Would new tablets be central to an inside joke to the Rebellion one day? Hm. Wait. Something is weird.

The Rebels walked into the brightly-lit store, gawking at all the technology that assaulted their eyes. TVs, desktops, laptops, tablets, phones, music players, calculators, and more glared out at them, demanding to be noticed and bought. Kylo looked and noted that the other Rebels were being drawn in as well. He cleared his throat to get them on track. The group split up, searching through the store for the most needed supplies.

Jyn and Cassian, working together, grabbed enough phones for everyone, as well as several Wi-Fi routers that could make a signal that covered the entire base. Meanwhile, Han secured about twenty desktop computers, approximately one for each ship. Anakin and Obi-Wan bought half of the Rebellion tablets, half of them touch-screen laptops. Kylo got a huge television for each ship, while Fred got cases for all the devices that could use them. The cases were white, at least until Dak stole them and Howard plastered face stickers all over them. Luke was tasked with getting everyone headphones, while Ezra and Emmett bought charging and connecting cords. Pretty soon, the two younger members of the Rebellion were completely tangled up in cords while everyone else laughed at them. When the salespeople weren't looking, Dragomir waved his wand, untangling the blushing Rebels and coiling the cords neatly. Leia and Padmé were already starting to decorate the computers when the Rebels paid for everything. The salespeople carried everything out for them, but Han told them not to deliver anything directly. No need to tell everyone the location of their base. Now, however, they were faced with a dilemma—how were they going to get everything back in the already crowded _BennyRen_? Kylo sighed. Right now, he would have gladly had all the Rebellion ships present, even if it would make the Imperials even more suspicious of the large group.

Just as the Rebels were puzzling over how they were going to solve this new-found problem, the Imperials complicated things even more. Kylo saw two troopers marching down the street. When they saw someone outside, they pointed their blasters at the poor person. "Curfew is in effect," announced one of the troopers. "Stand down for arrest." The person had no choice but to obey. Kylo groaned, realizing that the Imperials would surely recognize them, when there wasn't a crowd to get lost in. They stuck out like sore thumbs. Even if they managed to haul everything to the _BennyRen_ in time, the combination of food, supplies, electronics, and Rebels would slow the ship down so much, it was doubtful whether it could outpace a walking person. What could be done?

"Hey! Over there! Looks like Rebels!" shouted the other trooper. Kylo grimaced. Why were they only recognized now? Benny cuddled his teddy bear closer. Kylo thought desperately, but couldn't come up with a viable plan that would leave them ahead of the stormtroopers, with all their stuff, and keeping their base safe. Glancing around, he could see that all the others had arrived at the same conclusion. Kylo braced himself. If they were going down, he at least wasn't going down without a fight.

Just as the Imperials were about to bear down on the Rebels, a high pitched whine filled the air. Kylo was confused as to what the sound was, but Ezra clearly recognized it.

"It's a speeder bike!" he shouted. "Something's happening!"

As the Imperials approached the Rebels, they were suddenly pummelled back by a burst of hot air as a speeder bike skidded to a stop in front of them. It was painted deep green, with splashes of orange across it. Rebellion symbols were a main focus of these highlights, assuring the Rebels that this was help.

Kylo, having been focused on the bike, looked up and caught a glimpse of the driver. She was young and pretty, with short hair that had been dyed midnight blue, with orange tips. She had plate armor on her chest and legs, splatter-painted pink, purple, and orange. Kylo didn't recognize her at all.

Ezra, on the other hand, did. "Sabine?" he gasped.

Okay. Kylo was sure of it. Life was fanfiction. The whole thing's rigged.

Sabine glanced down, and seemed ready to say something, but the Imperials had just managed to stagger to their feet. One of them already had a walkie-talkie out, calling for backup. The other pulled out his blaster and aimed. Ezra grabbed his lightsaber, igniting it and deflecting the blaster bolts. The bolts knocked the blaster right out of the trooper's hand.

Ezra smirked. "Guns curfew is in effect. Drop your weapon. Oh, wait, you already did! Here's a special treat: you get to be knocked out, not killed!" He proceeded to shoot two electric bolts at the duo, knocking them out. "Take a nice nap, guys. You'll do better than anyone else around here."

Just as Ezra made this cocky statement, the sound of boots slamming down on concrete could be heard. A squadron of fifty troopers came into sight, running straight toward the group. As the other Rebels started to back down, Sabine grabbed her blasters, hitting off four shots that immediately knocked down five troopers. She opened a comm and shouted, "Snazzy, Mitchell, you're needed about now!"

As the person on the other side responded, Sabine's face contorted into an even more furious glare, though Kylo wasn't sure how that was possible. "I'm not taking no for an answer, Snazzy! I don't care that you want to be inconspicuous, you need to help us NOW!"

Soon, when about 35 troopers were still remaining, the engines of another ship could be heard. A large ship, with huge engines and painted entirely gray, came into view, guns blazing. While the ship continued to fire rounds, a dude jumped out. He was wearing a nice black suit, which contrasted with his lime-green baseball cap and silver sunglasses. He grimaced at Sabine, and she punched his arm in return.

"Don't leave me hanging like that again, Snazzy! Don't be a wimp!"

"Sorry, Sabine," mumbled the guy, Snazzy. "We just want to stay out of trouble."

"If you saw that one more time, Snazzy, I'll bring the trouble to you, in the form of all the Imperials that are tailing me!"

Snazzy sighed dejectedly, firing a shot from his modified blaster that took out five of the Imperials. Kylo was impressed, and was about to say so, but Snazzy sighed again, like he didn't even notice. Kylo started to get angry with the guy. The Empire was chasing after them, all these people were in danger, and all he could do was sigh? Who cares that life was fanfiction and likely to turn out fine anyway, they could still use help. Kylo grabbed Snazzy by the shoulders and steered him away from the group, so he could give him a private talk.

"Listen, man," Kylo stated, quietly and angrily. "I don't know what you're thinking, acting like this. The Empire is after us, the squads are trying to shoot us down, all our new stuff is in danger, and you're just whining about it all? Dude, your _name_ is Snazzy. Live up to it and have a snazzy attitude."

Snazzy drew a deep breath. "Okay. Okay. Snazzy attitude. Like… this?"

Snazzy proceeded to fire his blaster five times, taking out the 15 troopers that were left. He turned and smirked. "There we go. That was a confidence booster. I feel pumped!"

"Hurry and get all our stuff in your ship, then," Kylo suggested encouragingly.

Soon, all the electronics were in the gray ship, which had no problem carrying not only them, but half of the Rebels. Ezra jumped on Sabine's speeder bike, and the rest of the Rebels ran after the ships as they rocketed toward the _BennyRen_. Once there, Kylo ejected the _BennyRen_ 's towing cable, and Snazzy's ship easily towed the overloaded ship, along with the Rebels, at a cruising 60 miles per hour.

Kylo _really_ needed to upgrade the _BennyRen_.

After only half an hour, the three ships arrived back at the Rebel base. Kylo checked the horizon, and was pleased to report that there were no Imperials tailing them. Their base would be safe, if only for a little while longer. Snazzy and Mitchell gladly joined the Rebellion, and Sabine declared that she had never actually left the Rebellion, so of course she was already part of it. Then, she and Ezra hugged. This provoked sighs of both pleasure and annoyance, and credits were passed around among the Rebels. A surprisingly large number of Rebels had predicted that a slightly more… _intimate_ display of affection was in order. Kylo was glad that they were wrong.

Their fanfiction, considering how nobody ever died, was totally K+ anyway.

Finally, the Rebels were settled. A new bag of marshmallows was opened, pajamas were unfolded and put on, hats were placed on heads, sleeping bags were pulled out, lighters were prepared, and a tarp was pulled out. Soon, a bonfire was roaring, so large that all 60-something Rebels could fit around it. Some of the guys were telling scary stories and shining flashlights in each other's faces, some of the girls were gossiping and chattering, and everyone was roasting marshmallows. People were playing around on their phones/tablets/computer, and someone was wrecking someone on Commander. Life was great.

Just as the first people started to doze off, a sudden BANG was heard. Yet again, a bulb of light appeared above the fire. This time, Emmett, Wildstyle, Han, Leia, Ezra, Sabine, Niksput, Tungster, and Snoof were pulled through it. The other Rebels jumped up, hurriedly adjusting the tarp, as the doorway closed. Unlike the last time this had happened, however, the Rebels did not immediately reappear through the light. In fact, the light disappeared altogether. Benny tried to climb up the tarp to find "the tingly light", as he called it, but he fell off without any success.

"What happened?" asked Luke desperately. "I thought we were done with extra-dimensional travel! Why are we always the ones that everyone goes to for universe-warping stuff?"

Dragomir, whom everyone knew was the expert on this sort of thing, grimaced. "We were done with dimensional jumping, but someone else wasn't. Something went wrong. Instead of someone coming here…"

"People from our universe went there," Kylo finished. "They won't be able to come back."

Well, maybe they would come back, considering this is fanfiction and all, but still.

Life sucked.

(Okay, why does everything end like that?)

* * *

 **See what Kylo was talking about in the disclaimer?**

 **The fact that they are actually fanfiction may come into play eventually (ok it totally will happy now?)**

 **Okie, I actually have to finish the next chapter before I can post it, so it'll be a while! Just be prepared, alright? MORE FANDOMS AWAIT DUUN DUUN DUUUUUUUUN**

 **~Horseluv**


End file.
